Friday, January 21, 2011

Day 21: Snowy Day

As I expected, there are going to be difficult days. Days when work is overwhelming, emotions sit too close to the surface and snow keeps building outside your front door, trapping you inside both physically and mentally. These are the days when gratitude is difficult to recognize and acknowledge. But still the search continues and the parameters of my challenge have already been set. I will find something every day. There is something to be grateful for every single day. Sometimes you just have to look a little deeper and think a little longer to figure it out.

Today I realized something about myself. I'm a people pleaser. I put the needs and wants of others so far ahead of myself that I can barely see straight. I'm quite literally blinded by the demands of others. These people are in no way "bad" people. They are actually great people, people I love and admire and want to spend my time with, when I have available time. But sometimes time gets away from me and it is in desperately short supply. Then, when these people whom I love, start making demands on my time, asking me to put them first, recognize their needs before my own, the problems start to build and I become disparaged about the quality of my life. If I give to everyone, I have nothing left for myself. I push my own comfort out of the way to make sure I make everyone else happy and comfortable. What I need to learn is that sometimes saying no to other people is a way of saying yes to myself. The people whom I love, and who truly love me, will understand this need for quiet contemplation, time to reflect and regroup, space to calm my frayed nerves and recharge so that I can give them the very best I have to give...when I'm ready to give it.

I am grateful for the freedom and time I have to take a step back, retreat into my own comfortable zone and disconnect. I am grateful for a snowy day that forces me to lay low and count my blessings.

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