Comfort Zone

I live in a tiny bubble. I accept that and I really love the bubble that is my life. I have dealt with enough tragedy, heartbreak, drama and loss within my comfort zone that I don't feel the need to leave it. For one thing, every day that I am able to spend with my niece feels like a blessing. Her entrance into this world was not an easy one. She wasn't born as a healthy, pink, screaming bundle of 8lbs. She jumped into her life far too early. She weighed 2lbs and her first breath was a struggle. She was put on machines to mimic the womb, the place where she was supposed to stay long enough to grow healthy and strong. I watched machines keep her alive. I sat patiently by her enclosed crib and watched as her tiny chest filled with air. I could see her heart beat through skin as thin as a butterfly's wing. I made a promise to her that I would always be there. If that means staying in this bubble, so be it.

Dr. "D"

My face is warm to the touch and my nose is running. I have a thick cloud that is surrounding my head, making it heavy and tired. I sneeze often and rub my burning eyes. You only appreciate health when it's not around, when it's a distant memory.

Today I visited the house of my pediatrician. He lived and worked around the corner from where I grew up. Middle of the night visits are what I remember most. Sitting in a vinyl chair with my nightgown over pink sweatpants. My mother sitting beside me, rubbing my back. Ear infections were a staple of my childhood and Dr."D" was always there to cure my ache and give stickers to make me smile. Dr."D" passed away last year and now his wife is gone as well. There was an estate sale at his house today. Part of me wishes I had never stepped foot in his house. I don't want to remember his life this way--chaos and sadness. Maybe his death was the death of her as well, just not physically. After he was gone, she let her home and life fall down around her. Maybe she sought solace in bringing new things into her house, to fill the void his death had created. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking.

I stood in the small patients room where I had been many times in my childhood. The irony that I was sick today, the day I revisited his life, was not lost on me. I can only hope that I am able to find as wonderful a pediatrician as he was for my children. Dr."D" was one in a million and that is how I will remember him, always.

holiday rush

Yesterday I went to The Christmas Tree Shop. I can't believe that I am new to this enormously popular chain of stores. I think I always assumed that it only sold Christmas themed items, and who wants to shop for Christmas in July? And for reasons beyond my control, I never seemed to make it there during the holiday for which it was named.

All I can say is that this store is now my favorite place! Not only can you get random little decorations, but you can find baskets and boxes and wrapping paper. Cards and gifts and toys. Everything imaginable and all for low, low, LOW prices! What more could you ask for?

Ok, enough of the commercial here. What this trip to the store did for me yesterday was put me in the most festive of moods! I can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas! I am enormously excited about being with the ones I love and fully enjoying the holidays!

xoxo
jocelyn

holiday rush

Yesterday I went to The Christmas Tree Shop. I can't believe that I am new to this enormously popular chain of stores. I think I always assumed that it only sold Christmas themed items, and who wants to shop for Christmas in July? And for reasons beyond my control, I never seemed to make it there during the holiday for which it was named.

All I can say is that this store is now my favorite place! Not only can you get random little decorations, but you can find baskets and boxes and wrapping paper. Cards and gifts and toys. Everything imaginable and all for low, low, LOW prices! What more could you ask for?

Ok, enough of the commercial here. What this trip to the store did for me yesterday was put me in the most festive of moods! I can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas! I am enormously excited about being with the ones I love and fully enjoying the holidays!

xoxo
jocelyn

one chance

we are given one chance. one opportunity to live, love, laugh, cry, speak, listen, dream and succeed.

do what you can. do it all. have no regrets and live in the moment.

be at peace with who you are and what you want in life.

it is all about happiness and love. surround yourself with that and you will have succeeded.

xoxo
jocelyn