Is Self-Employment Good For the Self?

There are so many things that I enjoy doing and the list grows daily. Reading, cooking and watching television (particularly bad reality shows) tops the list. These are all activities that relax, inspire and energize me. And yet I can not allow myself the time to do any of them between Monday's and Friday's. Come to think of it, the weekends are pretty much consumed with work as well.

"Oh, you must have a strict office job?" People often ask when I complain about my inability to seek solace and relaxation during the day. I must them solemnly and with tremendous guilt, tell them no. I must explain that I am, in fact, my own boss. And quite possibly the worst boss I have ever worked for in my life!

The soft cushions of the couch do not touch my posterior from the moment I rise. It must seem the most trivial complaint of someone who is self-employed, but I truly have no time for myself! Why is it that the self-employed portion of our society are often the most over-worked, under-paid, under-appreciated and depressed? Why do we monopolize our own time so rigidly when for most of us the reason we left corporate America was to have MORE time? Why do people choose to be self-employed and how many of them are really happy?

There are over 10 million self-employed people in the United States today. I would like to explore these careers, find out what made these people take this leap of faith and determine their level of happiness and success?

The Picky Diner

After dining with my newly pregnant friend, I realized how difficult a simple meal at a restaurant can be. This is why Kate Markgraf is garnering so much attention. While dining at the Langham Hotel’s Café Fleuri, Margraf suggested creating a menu that catered to pregnant women. She introduced her idea to Chef Mark Sapienza and he was so taken with the idea that a pregnancy menu was developed. The menu is divided into sweet and salty dishes to target specific cravings of pregnant women. The dishes are all specifically developed to satisfy pregnancy nutrition requirements.

With the varying differences in people’s dietary requirements, more and more restaurants are catering their menus to reflect these needs. Legal Seafood offers a wheat-and-gluten-free menu for diners suffering from celiac disease, an intestinal disorder that causes the body to reject wheat, rye, and barley, among other grains. Standard fare is given major alterations to create a satisfying dining experience for diners with special needs. Salads come with gluten-free croutons, and calamari sautéed in gluten-free oil arrives with a cornmeal breading.

Many smaller boutique restaurants are making dietary adjustments, as well. The Elephant Walk in Cambridge, Brookline, and Waltham has gluten-free and vegan menus for lunch, dinner, and Sunday brunch. Blue Ginger’s Ming Tsai is an outspoken advocate for allergy-sensitive diners. They will accommodate these patrons as long as they notify the kitchen in advance. With the help of the Massachusetts Restaurant Association, Tsai continues to push for legislation requiring restaurants to train servers and cooks about high-risk ingredients and common substitutions.

Is this a legitimate trend that will continue to grow or is it too specialized? Is it something that people will support? Do more restaurants need specialty menus? How many allergy-sensitive diners are there in the world? What are their thoughts on the current dining situation in our country?

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Finding Love the Old-Fashioned Way

What is a fabulously sophisticated woman to do if she finds herself running out of wealthy men to frolic with across this darling island of Manhattan? Why, sign up with a matchmaker, silly!

What is wrong with a woman wanting to be judged solely on her beauty and a man judged on his income? In the caveman days, women searched for men who they felt could protect and provide for them. What offers more protection than a million dollar penthouse in the city and a Mercedes S-Class? Do you know how safe a doorman and a German car can be?

PocketChange, the New York-based company has created “Natural Selection Speed Dating”, a matchmaking service exclusively available to wealthy men and beautiful women. The first run of this elite dating service occurred last week at a swanky restaurant in uptown Manhattan. I wonder if these clever, take-charge individuals found true love, or at least a dinner companion?

The company has lovely plans for the future, including a matchmaking night for “Sugar Mama’s” looking for a sweet-young-thing to keep them company through lonely nights. Who knows, there may be another Ashton & Demi cavorting through this fabulous city.

Is it wrong to match people up based on shallow desires? Is this the trend matchmaking is taking? Are we getting down to what people really want and what could be the success rate of such an experiment? Who better to give your readers some answers than some of the city’s best matchmakers as well as those wishing to be matched?

As more and more singles are growing tired of looking for love on websites, at speed dating events or in personal ads, a new and yet somewhat old-fashioned trend is steadily rising in popularity. Matchmaking. This method of finding love has been around for centuries and is now getting a face-lift to compete with the times. Websites devoted to helping friends introduce friends are popping up all over the internet and training programs like the Matchmaking Institute in New York are preparing people to become matchmakers.

The matchmaking site Engage.com reports that half of all marriages in the United States are created through matchmakers, friends introducing eligible friends. That’s all it takes. Samantha Daniels was a successful divorce attorney who started her own matchmaking company. Her efforts were the basis of a short-lived television series, “Miss Match”. But what she offered her clients, and what more and more companies are beginning to offer, is a private and personal way to meet a potential partner.

Janis Spindel is a professional matchmaker from New York who charges upwards of $100,000 to find her clients a mate. Spindel has been in this business for over 15 years and takes the credit for 760 marriages and thousands of committed relationships.

With the increasing number of sites like Engage.com, Lovehappens.com, Matchmakinginstitute.com and Samanthastable.com, this is a fascinating topic that is growing in popularity and legitimacy daily.

Bullying the Bully

Your 8-year-old son comes home from school and is withdrawn and quiet. You press him for details but he seems distraught. Eventually you are able to pull the problem out of him. He has been bullied at school. Your first reaction is to march down to the school, pull the bully’s parents in for a meeting and fix this mess before anything like this happens again. Unfortunately, this is not the best route.

Experts are saying that it is becoming more common for children to open up to their parents about what is going on in their lives…Great! Then parents are taking matters in their own hands and aggressively trying to fix the problems and fix the bullies…Not so great.

“Adults who address bullying by bullying the bullies will not solve theproblem,” warns Dr. Doug Winborn, associate professor of health and human performance at MTSU . “While the bullying behavior is unwanted, the bully must be helped along, too. And there are ways to accomplish this (through educational) programs.”

It is a sad situation, but experiencing the swings and glares of bullies in school has become a normal part of growing up. However, Dr. Ellen Slicker, MTSU psychology professor believes that this behavior is destructive to both the bully and the victim.

How do you handle this situation with respect to both sides? How do you deal with your child if they are being bullied or if they are the bully?

The Caffeine Rush

Grabbing a hot cup of coffee may be the undiscovered remedy for your burning, post-workout muscles. A recent study has found that caffeine can reduce the pain from exercise-induced muscle soreness. Lead researcher Victor Maridakis studied nine female college students who were not regular caffeine and coffee drinkers. Each participant was given either caffeine or a placebo after an exercise session and one hour before a strenuous thigh workout. Those who were given caffeine experienced 48 percent reduction in pain compared with the placebo group.

Previous studies on caffeine have shown that it increases alertness and boosts endurance. The researchers suggest the caffeine likely works by blocking the body’s receptors for adenosine, a chemical released in response to inflammation.

Caffeine and energy packed drinks like Red Bull have grown to a $3.4 billion yearly industry. It grew by 80 percent last year. How dangerous are these drinks and what is the long-term impact they will have on a generation of children who have grown up with a constant caffeine boost?

Just this past year, more than 500 new energy drinks entered the worldwide consumer market. It has been reported that many young adults are abusing the caffeine rush that these drinks provide by drinking numerous cans in a row to get an unnatural “high” or “buzz.”

There are clubs on-line for energy drinkers, MySpace pages and blogs popping up daily. This growing industry is working hard to recruit new fans of these heart-racing drinks.

What are the negative impacts of such drinks like Red Bull, Monster and the newly added (and scandalously named) Cocaine on our health? Do the benefits of caffeine outweigh the negatives?

The Book Project

I have decided to start a project for the New Year! I am going to read 52 books (minimum) in 2007 and I am going to blog about my readings.

Wish me luck...

and Happy New Year!

Comfort Zone

I live in a tiny bubble. I accept that and I really love the bubble that is my life. I have dealt with enough tragedy, heartbreak, drama and loss within my comfort zone that I don't feel the need to leave it. For one thing, every day that I am able to spend with my niece feels like a blessing. Her entrance into this world was not an easy one. She wasn't born as a healthy, pink, screaming bundle of 8lbs. She jumped into her life far too early. She weighed 2lbs and her first breath was a struggle. She was put on machines to mimic the womb, the place where she was supposed to stay long enough to grow healthy and strong. I watched machines keep her alive. I sat patiently by her enclosed crib and watched as her tiny chest filled with air. I could see her heart beat through skin as thin as a butterfly's wing. I made a promise to her that I would always be there. If that means staying in this bubble, so be it.

Dr. "D"

My face is warm to the touch and my nose is running. I have a thick cloud that is surrounding my head, making it heavy and tired. I sneeze often and rub my burning eyes. You only appreciate health when it's not around, when it's a distant memory.

Today I visited the house of my pediatrician. He lived and worked around the corner from where I grew up. Middle of the night visits are what I remember most. Sitting in a vinyl chair with my nightgown over pink sweatpants. My mother sitting beside me, rubbing my back. Ear infections were a staple of my childhood and Dr."D" was always there to cure my ache and give stickers to make me smile. Dr."D" passed away last year and now his wife is gone as well. There was an estate sale at his house today. Part of me wishes I had never stepped foot in his house. I don't want to remember his life this way--chaos and sadness. Maybe his death was the death of her as well, just not physically. After he was gone, she let her home and life fall down around her. Maybe she sought solace in bringing new things into her house, to fill the void his death had created. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking.

I stood in the small patients room where I had been many times in my childhood. The irony that I was sick today, the day I revisited his life, was not lost on me. I can only hope that I am able to find as wonderful a pediatrician as he was for my children. Dr."D" was one in a million and that is how I will remember him, always.

holiday rush

Yesterday I went to The Christmas Tree Shop. I can't believe that I am new to this enormously popular chain of stores. I think I always assumed that it only sold Christmas themed items, and who wants to shop for Christmas in July? And for reasons beyond my control, I never seemed to make it there during the holiday for which it was named.

All I can say is that this store is now my favorite place! Not only can you get random little decorations, but you can find baskets and boxes and wrapping paper. Cards and gifts and toys. Everything imaginable and all for low, low, LOW prices! What more could you ask for?

Ok, enough of the commercial here. What this trip to the store did for me yesterday was put me in the most festive of moods! I can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas! I am enormously excited about being with the ones I love and fully enjoying the holidays!

xoxo
jocelyn

holiday rush

Yesterday I went to The Christmas Tree Shop. I can't believe that I am new to this enormously popular chain of stores. I think I always assumed that it only sold Christmas themed items, and who wants to shop for Christmas in July? And for reasons beyond my control, I never seemed to make it there during the holiday for which it was named.

All I can say is that this store is now my favorite place! Not only can you get random little decorations, but you can find baskets and boxes and wrapping paper. Cards and gifts and toys. Everything imaginable and all for low, low, LOW prices! What more could you ask for?

Ok, enough of the commercial here. What this trip to the store did for me yesterday was put me in the most festive of moods! I can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas! I am enormously excited about being with the ones I love and fully enjoying the holidays!

xoxo
jocelyn

one chance

we are given one chance. one opportunity to live, love, laugh, cry, speak, listen, dream and succeed.

do what you can. do it all. have no regrets and live in the moment.

be at peace with who you are and what you want in life.

it is all about happiness and love. surround yourself with that and you will have succeeded.

xoxo
jocelyn

alarm clock

Today the alarm went off at 7am. Windows open, cold air rushing in and a spotlessly clean apartment. It took me a moment to realize that this was the day M. leaves for China. We hopped out of bed, still delirious from sleep and started going through the motions of getting ready for any other day. The only change in routine was the luggage in the front hall.

He drove to the airport and as we pulled up to the drop-off, I felt fine. There were no tears and I knew I was ready to face this two-month period with grace and maturity.

Then I cried and listened to sad music the whole way home. Oh well, I’m a girl. What else can I say?

Alarm Clock

Today the alarm went off at 7am. Windows open, cold air rushing in and a spotlessly clean apartment. It took me a moment to realize that this was the day M. leaves for China. We hopped out of bed, still delirious from sleep and started going through the motions of getting ready for any other day. The only change in routine was the luggage in the front hall.

He drove to the airport and as we pulled up to the drop-off, I felt fine. There were no tears and I knew I was ready to face this two-month period with grace and maturity.

Then I cried and listened to sad music the whole way home. Oh well, I’m a girl. What else can I say?

Alarm Clock

Today the alarm went off at 7am. Windows open, cold air rushing in and a spotlessly clean apartment. It took me a moment to realize that this was the day M. leaves for China. We hopped out of bed, still delirious from sleep and started going through the motions of getting ready for any other day. The only change in routine was the luggage in the front hall.

He drove to the airport and as we pulled up to the drop-off, I felt fine. There were no tears and I knew I was ready to face this two-month period with grace and maturity.

Then I cried and listened to sad music the whole way home. Oh well, I’m a girl. What else can I say?

Love

Last night Mike came to my house around 3:30. He wanted to spend time with me before he leaves for China. Sweet, sincere and loving. We went with the whole group (Kelley’s, Hall’s and Fran) to Sunnyside Bowling Alley. I bowled a seventy-eight. Mike and Eddie were fiercely competitive. Eddie won one game and Mike won the other. If they had played one more round, my money would have been on Mike. Piper got Dora stickers from a machine. Everyone was happy. Watching Piper bowl is one of the most adorable sights to see and in my humble opinion, the girl is a natural.

We then ventured over to BJ’s for some snacks for dinner. Cold cuts, cookies, candy, cheesecake, chips. Do all comfort foods begin with the letter “C”? Mike and I came up with the ingenious idea to make a 7-layer Mexican dip. Neither of us knew how, so we headed over to Stop & Shop to see if this was plausible (or if they had a pre-made dip). They didn’t. I became a fugitive and ripped open a package of Fat Free Cream Cheese because of the promise of a recipe inside. I had no intention of purchasing the fat free version and Mike was impressed with my moxie. I think he was surprised by my “bad” side, which rarely surfaces.

By the time we got back to my house, it was 7:30. We were starving and the dip just seemed to be too difficult. Our stomachs were growling and there was no way we were stopping to read directions.

The night rolled on in a blur of food, music, football watching (by the boys) and laughter. Piper discovered my American Girl doll collection. The spark was ignited. She has years and years and years of doll playing to look forward to. I’m almost envious. Unwrapping Samantha Parkington on Christmas morning made my 9-year-old self happier than words could express! Nothing could top that feeling.

But nights like this come very close. These are the nights I live for and love. I’m at peace with my surroundings and those who inhabit my world. Isn’t this what life is supposed to be? Why fight it or question it or look for problems? Be happy in the moment and hold on to those you love. Playing Scrabble with Mike until dawn was icing on the cake. JIBE, BE & WED, who knew those words could make me laugh until my sides hurt. And the fact that he loves me even though I’m horrible at keeping score makes everything perfect.

Forget the world...

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

On the Edge

The Crocodile Hunter died on Monday, September 4th. For some reason, be it the images of his adorable family or his constant smile and zest for life, this has touched my soul and my heart breaks for his family.

He lived a life on the edge,
chasing the wild,
facing the fears
with the heart of a child.

Always a smile,
a laugh and a wink,
we held our breath
we couldn't even blink.

An adventure, a journey
a dare every day.
Steve Irwin we'll miss you
in our thoughts you will stay.



My thoughts and prayers go to his family.

Cohabitation Nation

Over one year ago my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. Most women would have been filling their cars with all of their belongings and speedily heading down the road toward cohabitation, the first hurdle on their way to wedded bliss. Was I ready to give up my sweet smelling, magnificently decorated, cozy home for raised toilet seats, beer cans and boxer shorts scattered across the bedroom floor?

I didn’t turn down my boyfriends offer immediately. Technically, I agreed to move in and then found myself reluctant to actually make the move, essentially I was stalling. What I realized during this period (and after hours of research to help justify my nerves) is that many couples are jumping into cohabitation faster than generations past. Today cohabitation is the “norm”. Couples are much more eager to test drive their relationship before stepping into marriage. Many relationship coaches agree that living together before marriage is beneficial and a great way to see if you are compatible on a daily basis.

However, I said no. Why did I reject “playing house” with the love of my life? And why are more women reverting to the “old fashioned” belief of keeping the mystery alive.

According to the U.S. Census, nearly 5 million unmarried couples live together. There has been a 72% increase in cohabitation over the past decade. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more than half of women in the United States have lived with a significant other by the age of 30. Convenience, saving money, and to test the waters for marriage are key factors in a couples’ decision to shack up. But is this really the smartest route to happily ever after?

The American Sociological Review found an 85% failure rate among those who live together before marriage. Recent studies from both the US and Europe show that couples who live together before marriage divorce at higher rates than couples who wait until they say their vows. The risk of divorce after living together is 80% higher than the risk of divorce after not living together. (American Sociological Review)

Are couples who live together before marriage doomed? What is the role of cohabitation in the declining rates of marriage?

Linda Marshall, a Cincinnati-based relationship coach, says that, while more couples’ are cohabitating, that trend isn't necessarily proving to be beneficial. Most cohabitating couples are not living together after four years. "The marriage rate is declining," she says, "but more people are cohabitating, and the failure rate for cohabitation is higher than marriage."

A recent study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who get engaged before living together are happier before and after marriage than couples who cohabitate before setting a date. However, according to the 1997 Durex Global Sex Survey, people who live together but aren't married report the greatest frequency of sex. (I have a feeling this would be the one statistic to stand out in the minds of most readers.)

So maybe I should wait until I'm married?

(Image courtesy of DailyCandy.com)

For Mom...

I remember nights spent in your bed. The magic bed. The cool, green sheets. Megan and I would wiggle into the middle of it. She would spread out and go to her side, I would move closer to you. I always chose you. In first grade I had to take the bus, I was noticeably changed by the separation from you. Megan was supposed to sit with me, protect me, watch over me. She wasn’t ready for that role. I wasn’t ready to leave. That was when coming home became my definition of happiness, safety, love. I stared out the dirty window and pulled the emergency exit by mistake. Maybe it wasn’t a mistake.

When I played hide and seek, I didn’t want to be found. I stayed buried deep in your closet, smelling your clothes. I could hear your gold bracelets shifting on your wrists. You have the most beautiful arms I have ever seen and I like to think I have inherited them. Strong and feminine, soft and embracing. You drove me to soccer practice, acting classes and swim meets. Gymnastics, piano, tennis. I always came back to the swimming and you always drove. When I stood solid on the starting block, the sun beating down on me, you cheered the loudest. I can hear you even now. You have never stopped cheering.

I have made you cry. We have fought out of love, out of similarities, out of fear. I am more like you than I ever expected to be, but I always secretly wished. My wishes came true. I am a rough version of you. I still have years to go, but the outline is there and it’s solid.

I am so sorry for always taking out my insecurities and fears on you. You have always been my voice of reason. Mom, I love you so much. I love what you have allowed me to become. I love the woman I am because of you. I love that you have always filled my life with laughter, happiness, security and strength. You have kept me in the moment, made me realize I have happiness in my soul. You have been my compass and pointed out the stars. You encouraged me to touch them, feel them, reach for them all. You have told me that nothing matters more than this moment. You allowed me to let go and believe in the strength of my safety net. Thank you so much for the lessons you have taught me. I carry them with me, in my heart, every day. I love you so much.

Love Jocelyn

End of Summer

Today feels like summer when I was a child. Rainy days spent inside, reading and playing. Making the best of a day without sunshine and dry heat. Often these days would come after a long string of hot, summer days, forcing our tired, sun-tanned bodies to rest and regroup.

I feel like I need a day to regroup and gather my thoughts, clear my head and start over. I want to curl up on the couch in my pajamas, tuck my feet underneath my legs and settle in with an absorbing and uplifting book. The literary equivalent of apple pie. I don't want to tackle sadness or hardships, there is too much of that in every day life. You need only turn on the news to find heartbreak. I want only peaceful and happy thoughts, just like my sweet timeless memories of childhood summers.