Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

In Need of a Vacation

2011-11-05T18:58:00.001-07:00

I am in desperate need of a vacation...

New York City

2011-06-05T18:33:00.000-07:00

This week was Book Expo America in New York City. The drive down was dark, grey and rainy. I feared that our week in the city was going to be ruined. I mean seriously, does this look promising? However, I was interviewed by the lovely Tricia Romano for this Daily Beast piece during the beautiful ride.

But luckily we arrived in the city to beautifully clear skies and warm weather. We immediately gravitated towards Times Square which has really become my go-to first stop whenever I arrive in the city. We always eat at Tony’s DiNapoli because the food is delicious…although this time we were a little disappointed to find that they didn’t have Chicken Saltimbocca on the menu…but the fettucini alfredo was stellar!

One of the first celebrity sightings I had at the show was Kathie Lee Gifford…and she happened to be hugging Dr. Ruth! It was like a two-for-one! Dr. Ruth is tiny and Kathie Lee is gorgeous. Kathie Lee was there promoting her new children’s book The Legend of Messy M’Cheany.

After grabbing a copy of Elin Hilderbrand’s upcoming summer release SILVER GIRL, my sisterMegan and I were delighted to find they were handing out free Corona’s for all of the weary show goers. (Side note: Megan was there promoting her upcoming anthology, DEAR BULLY, for HarperTeen.)

And of course, you can’t go to New York without visiting a deli…and the Carnegie Deli is the most famous of them all! The portion sizes were enormous and the food was out of this world. Truly a New York institution and one that lives up to all the hype.

It was a fantastic trip and BEA was as eventful and entertaining as always. There are some great books coming out this fall and I will keep you posted on all of them.

Goodbye New York…and that sweater that I LOVED from Ann Taylor’s LOFT that I got a mustard stain on from dinner on our last night. I will miss you both.

Sunday Kind of Love

2011-02-20T19:36:00.000-08:00

This weekend I watched AN EDUCATION and loved it. Wanted to share some of the music with you today.

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Adam & Eve

2011-02-20T19:22:00.000-08:00

I'm a little obsessed with this wedding video.

Adam & Eve from dolly on Vimeo.

{Thanks, Joanna}

Hearts

2011-02-01T11:16:00.001-08:00

I am so in love with this ring. I think it is just so delicate and feminine and beautiful. It's from a New York-based designer called Cat Bird and I think it is just exquisite.

Day 25: Humor

2011-01-25T20:01:00.000-08:00

Today I watched Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, a documentary focusing on one year in the life of the famous comedianne Joan Rivers. She made an interesting point while being heckled during a show. She had made a joke about Helen Keller being the dream daughter because she couldn't speak and a man started yelling from the audience saying the joke wasn't funny because he had a deaf son. It was a sad moment (and could have been terribly awkward for Joan) but she said to the man, yelling from the audience, "We have to laugh at the tragedies in life, it gives them less power over us." She is right. Laughter is one of the best ways to handle the obstacles that pop up in our path. Joan also showed that even if it is impossible to avoid fear, insecurities and failure, the best way to handle it is to keep moving forward, never give up and always persevere. Joan Rivers is nothing if not tenacious and determined and that is why she is still a star at 77 years old.

I am grateful that even in our darkest days we can find humor.

Day 24: Exercise

2011-01-24T20:20:00.001-08:00

Mondays. They're pretty tough. Typically you feel overtired and overwhelmed with the work load that has built up over the weekend. But there is nothing that solves the problems of a Monday better than exercise. It clears your head and gives you a feeling of power and control, something that we often feel is lacking in our lives. It erases guilt for any overindulging you may have done (or plan to do). And most importantly, it makes you feel ALIVE!

I am grateful for the way a simple run makes me feel more alive. I am grateful that I am able to go for a simple run every day of my life. I am grateful for the simple power of putting one foot in front of the other.

Day 23: Horoscopes

2011-01-23T20:35:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have found that my horoscope on a particular website is extremely accurate as well as poignant and inspiring. Today, in particular, my horoscope put my feelings into profound words and I found myself re-reading it to not only fully absorb the advice being given but to allow myself to appreciate what it feels like when the right words find you at the right time.

An impressionable mood can come upon you suddenly today, causing you to feel uncomfortably while making decisions. As a result, you will likely feel compelled to turn to a mentor, boss, or relative to determine how they might handle the challenge before you. If you are not satisfied with the answers they give, you may find that you lean toward their suggestion anyway. Consider, however, that your disagreement can be interpreted as a signal that you do know the best choice. If you think carefully about your options today, you will likely begin to see that the path that appeals to you may not be right for everyone, yet it is right for you.

When we are secure in the strength of our personal power, we are comfortable following our own paths, even when that means going against the recommendations of otherwise influential individuals. We may feel that we need to give ourselves over to the counsel of those who have more experience, yet doing so can interfere with our ability to craft our own destiny in a meaningful way. Our paths will typically only reveal themselves to us when we are willing to innovate and go against the grain to get what we want out of life. If we have learned to trust our intuitive minds, we need not bow to the pressure heaped upon us by those who are concerned for our welfare but do not understand our unique perspective. You will cease to be as impressionable today when you recognize that only you can conceive of and achieve your unique fate.

I am grateful for the healing and inspiring power of the written word. I am grateful for the right words at the right time and the way fate has a way of bringing these words to you when you need them most.

Day 22: Truth

2011-01-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

{image via Etsy}

Sometimes you have these moments when you feel like life is breaking you with the burden of stress and unhappiness. You can't escape it so you start to place the blame, on others, on yourself. You feel you need to make major changes, "fix" things, to bring back your happiness, to hit refresh, start over, begin again. And then you find that the best way to bring you back to center, to bring you back to happiness, is also the simplest, talking. Putting words and a voice to your sense of frustration and sadness can be the most direct way to begin healing. Putting your fears and worries into words lessens the power they hold over you, breaks the unhealthy interior monologue that has held you captive. That's what I did today. I talked. And I had someone who listened and calmed me and brought me back to center, back to me.

Today I am grateful for the power we have to solve our problems by voicing our fears with honesty and authenticity. I am grateful that I have someone to talk to and someone who listens.

Day 21: Snowy Day

2011-01-21T20:28:00.000-08:00

As I expected, there are going to be difficult days. Days when work is overwhelming, emotions sit too close to the surface and snow keeps building outside your front door, trapping you inside both physically and mentally. These are the days when gratitude is difficult to recognize and acknowledge. But still the search continues and the parameters of my challenge have already been set. I will find something every day. There is something to be grateful for every single day. Sometimes you just have to look a little deeper and think a little longer to figure it out.

Today I realized something about myself. I'm a people pleaser. I put the needs and wants of others so far ahead of myself that I can barely see straight. I'm quite literally blinded by the demands of others. These people are in no way "bad" people. They are actually great people, people I love and admire and want to spend my time with, when I have available time. But sometimes time gets away from me and it is in desperately short supply. Then, when these people whom I love, start making demands on my time, asking me to put them first, recognize their needs before my own, the problems start to build and I become disparaged about the quality of my life. If I give to everyone, I have nothing left for myself. I push my own comfort out of the way to make sure I make everyone else happy and comfortable. What I need to learn is that sometimes saying no to other people is a way of saying yes to myself. The people whom I love, and who truly love me, will understand this need for quiet contemplation, time to reflect and regroup, space to calm my frayed nerves and recharge so that I can give them the very best I have to give...when I'm ready to give it.

I am grateful for the freedom and time I have to take a step back, retreat into my own comfortable zone and disconnect. I am grateful for a snowy day that forces me to lay low and count my blessings.

Day 20: JFK and Dickens

2011-01-20T07:21:00.001-08:00

Today is the 50th Anniversary of the Inauguration of John F. Kennedy. I spent the morning discussing this monumental event with my mother, who was 17 at the time of the President's swearing in. She spoke with stars in her eyes about the glamour and youth and beauty of this young President and his princess-like wife. And then the conversation turned, as it inevitably does when speaking of this historical presidency, to his assassination. To the day when a hometown hero was gunned down. When all of the dreams and hopes and excitement that was placed on his shoulders fell to the ground, and our country was left reeling.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," my mother said. And this stopped me for a moment and made me sit up and recognize the power literature has in uniting us and defining life for us. Last night I had been discussing with my parents that I was reading Oprah's latest book club selection, A TALE OF TWO CITIES and GREAT EXPECTATIONS. I spoke about how when these books were assigned in school I had little to no appreciation for what Dickens was trying to say to his readers. Now, with years of experiences under my belt and a stronger appreciation for universal lessons and themes in life, I have a much stronger appreciation for the words of Dickens and for literature in general. The fact that my mom and I could be discussing such a monumental event as the inauguration, and subsequently the assasination, of JFK and bring in themes from a classic piece of literature, only further proves the power of literature to unite us and comfort us and help us to comprehend events that seem beyond comprehension. Life can be the best of times and the worst of times. It can be everything and nothing. It can be hopeful and fearful. And it is up to us, as humans, to recognize and appreciate life for being both and knowing that even in the darkest of times, there is hope just around the corner.

I am grateful for the enduring power of a book like A TALE OF TWO CITIES and GREAT EXPECTATIONS and a writer like Dickens who can show us that the human condition never changes, it evolves with time, but the defining characteristics of what makes us human, never changes.

Gratitude Day 19: Why Worry?

2011-01-19T19:39:00.000-08:00

Today is the 19th day of 2011. The year in which I try to incorporate gratitude into my daily life by finding one moment every day for which I am grateful. I just picked up the February issue of Oprah Magazine and immediately stopped on an article by Martha Beck "Yours for the Asking" that explores the benefit of asking questions to change your life. Question #3 on Martha's list is "Why Worry?" A simple enough question and yet one that can be overwhelmingly powerful and effective. Here is what Martha advises when answering this question:

These two words, considered sincerely, can radically reconfigure the landscape of your mind. Worry rarely leads to positive actions: it's just painful, useless fear about hypothetical events, which scuttles happiness rather than ensuring it. Some psychologists say that by focusing on gratitude, we can shut down the part of the brain that worries. It actually works!

Besides the fact that I want to use "scuttles" more frequently in every day conversation, this could not be a more appropriate piece of advice to stumble upon, especially for someone who is making a concerted effort to "find gratitude" every day. I actually put this piece of advice to work and it really is effective! Any time a worry would pop into my head, I would immediately switch gears and think of something that I am grateful for (my niece, my family, my books, my cozy home) and the worry was gone. Yes, I had distracted myself, but I had distracted myself with something beautifully profound. It really does work! Try it!

I'm grateful that I can find inspiration in the advice of others and have moments of pure enlightenment just by reading an article in a magazine. The fact that we can learn and grow and become better versions of ourselves just by expanding our minds is certainly something to instill gratitude.

Gratitude Day 8: Tragedy in Tucson

2011-01-08T19:55:00.000-08:00

Today, a meet and greet between Representative Gabrielle Giffords and constituents outside a Tucson grocery store turned deadly when a gunman opened fire, killing six people and wounding 14 others. It is dark times like this when finding gratitude is both difficult and essential.

One of the victims of this tragedy was 9-year-old Christina Green. A beautiful little girl with an indelible spirit, Green was born on 9/11 and according to her parents was so proud of both her birthday and her country. As her mother said, Christina's birth "lent a grace note of hope to that terrible day."

Even in tragedy we need to find a "grace note of hope." 76-year-old Dorwan Stoddard was one of the victims of the shooting in Tucson and he died saving his wife, Mavy. Stoddard was a church volunteer and Mavy was his high school sweetheart. When the shooting started, he jumped in front of his wife and, quite literally, gave his life for her.

Tonight we celebrated my sister, Megan's, 36th birthday. Five years ago Megan underwent open heart surgery to fix a corroded artery that had been deteriorated by radiation from childhood cancer treatment. When she was going through all of her hospital treatments and surgery, I literally wanted to step in front of her, step in her place and take the bullet. I wanted to save her from the pain and suffering. I am learning that this is what love truly is, to know that you would rather sacrifice your own life for the ones you love. Tonight we celebrated my sister's birthday with cake and presents as her 8-year-old daughter danced around the room, handing presents to her mother and showing everyone the book she was reading (Junie B. Jones).

I am grateful for my sister's health because a few years ago I almost lost her. Life is precious and we need to hold the ones we love tight, forever. Love never fails.

Gratitude Day 1: A New Beginning...and an Adventure

2011-01-01T19:37:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Let me begin by saying how excited I am for this endeavor. It is inspiring, uplifting and promising. It is also completely and totally necessary and therefore will be something that I not only stick to but something I will want to force myself to adhere to if necessary. I, along with most human beings, tend to get lost in the daily dramas and disturbances of life. I quite literally can't see the forest for the trees at times. I get caught up in the minutiae without recognizing and acknowledging the blessings I am greeted with every single day of my life. Because honestly, even when you are smack dab in the middle of what feels like the darkest period in your life, there is something to be grateful for and something that the world is trying to teach you. I feel that finding gratitude in the every day is also centered in learning something every day. By finding something to be grateful for you are bringing recognition to an area that you had previously ignored, overlooked or took for granted. Gratitude is a way of bringing light to an area that had been hidden by shadows. I am going to spend this entire year documenting everything that fills me with gratitude and a stronger appreciation for life. Even on days when it feels like nothing is going my way, I will highlight those hidden gems of beauty because those are the days when being grateful is essential.

Here's what my New Year's Eve wasn't. It wasn't a wild night of debauchery. It wasn't reckless, crazy, drunken or dizzy. It was warm, comfortable and familiar. It was spent with family. It was a night of great food, laughter and childlike joy. It was perfect!

I am grateful for my family. I am grateful that I can have the ones I love within arms reach when ringing in a brand new year.

Eight is Great

2010-03-01T08:11:00.001-08:00

Just watched the Eight is Enough cast on the Today Show as part of their "Today Show Reunites Classic TV Families" series. It was surreal to see these people, these characters, who I remember watching on days home sick from school. Eight is Enough was on my "B" list of preferred daytime television, falling closely behind Laverne & Shirley or The Brady Bunch but slightly ahead of Bewitched. I loved the family dynamics and the fact that there were so many of them! I was too young to comprehend that Dick Van Patten was a widow with eight children and the magnitude of that situation. I don't even think I knew what a widow or death was at that age. There was a lot of "heavy" subject matter covered in these shows that I watched as a child and when I watch them now, if I happen to catch them on some obscure station at a random, sleepless hour, I will wonder what my eight or nine year old mind made of these situations. The references to drinking and drugs or (gasp!) sex. What does that even mean to an eight year old? I remember how often I would just follow the canned laugh track as my guidance for what was funny. My mother once found a diary entry she had written when I was a toddler. She was writing about her silly girls and how her four year old daughter wanted to "stay up late to watch Jack get naked on Three's Company." Words cannot express how much delight I find in that one sentence from my mother's diary. What kind of advertising had made a four year old want to watch a show about three 20-something singles sharing an apartment? Did I even know what naked meant? I am going to throw blame on my older sister...she was nine at the time and had to be a bad influence...because isn't that the job of an older sister?

Running

2010-02-28T19:13:00.001-08:00

Running truly is my therapy. There is no better way to work out frustrations, anxiety, sadness, and every other overwhelming emotion than through a physically exhausting workout. When I am bubbling over with energy (both of the positive and negative variety) I love to hit the pavement and allow the rhythmic beat of my own sneakers soothe and calm me. I did that today and I feel tremendously alive.

Skating in February

2010-02-18T17:26:00.000-08:00

Hit the ice today for the first time in ten years! I have so much respect for those figure skaters!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Friday

2010-01-22T07:16:00.000-08:00

Last night my seven year old niece was talking about all the boys that she liked. My sister and I asked her what she was going to do about liking all these different boys. She said, "I'll marry one and then break up, marry another and then break up, marry another and then break up, until I've married all of them."

Troubling? Yes

Confusing? Yes

Funny? Yes!

First of all, I didn't think my niece even knew what "breaking up" meant. Her parents are happily married, her grandparents (on both sides) are happily married. Where is she learning about breaking up? And should I be happy that she is such a modern woman at seven who feels no qualms about picking up and moving on to something better?

All I can say is that I was astonished and also a teeny bit proud of her speech last night. She then went on to show me some of the positions she learned in her new ballet class. If there is anything cuter than the serious face of a 7-year-old striking ballet moves, I don't know what it is.

In other news, I watched Life, Unexpected which aired on Monday, but I had it Tivo'd. I think I may already be hooked. It was such a good show! Entertaining, nice pacing, good dialog, great music, what else can you ask for? It stars Shiri Appleby from Roswell and her co-star Kristoffer Polaha (very cute!). It's about a former high school liason that resulted in a baby. It is now 16 years later and the biological parents' (Shiri and Kristoffer) lives are disrupted when the baby Shiri had in high school and gave up for adoption (unbeknownst to Kristoffer) comes looking for her biological parents. Critics are comparing it to Gilmore Girls, a hugely popular show that I am admittedly only discovering now in re-runs. So I will be tuning in to this new addition to my already packed television-viewing schedule!

Speaking of television-viewing, did anyone catch Heidi Montag's two-night interview on Access Hollywood? AND her cover of People Magazine? She's 23 and has already had over 10 cosmetic surgeries! I don't like to speak disparagingly about people, especially when it comes to matters of self-esteem and confidence, but this girl may have some issues that are not being addressed properly. She and her husband are publicity hounds to a frightening degree. It seems they will stop at nothing for notoriety, even if it means completely transforming themselves to the point of no return. While being interviewed for Nightline last night, Heidi said, "My message is about inner beauty." Ju Ju Chang, who was conducting the interview, said, "But that is the exact opposite message you are portraying." I don't know what is going to become of Heidi & Spencer. I hope that there flame is fleeting and that they are not public figures for the duration. Only time will tell.

This weekend I am hoping to get to the movies. Last weekend I saw Avatar in 3D at an IMAX theater. I wasn't even wanting to see that movie but the opportunity arose and I am a sucker for going to the movies. I did, however, get a little motion sick from the 3D aspect of it but it was an incredible movie. I didn't care so much for the plot, it was all about the visual adventure. If you are planning on seeing Avatar, I highly recommend the 3D version!

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

For the Love of a Garlic Press

2010-01-10T19:58:00.001-08:00

Tonight I cooked a pasta dish that I learned from Giada (I still think her recipes are some of the best I have found). I typically avoid making this dish for one sad and superficial reason...I hate when my fingers smell like garlic! It drives me crazy because that stuff lasts. No matter how many times I wash my hands, they hold on to the pungent smell. So tonight I made a major change to my cooking routine. Instead of slicing up the garlic and subjecting my fingers to the lasting scent, I put one clove through a garlic press and PRESTO...just enough garlic, minced and ready to go! (Yes, the little things really do make my day!)

Get Your Motor Running!

2010-01-10T17:32:00.000-08:00

I don't know how I have done it, but I have run every day of this awesome New Year! 2010 is already leaving 2009 in the dust. I read somewhere that if you do something consistently for at least 30 days it becomes part of your routine. Running is becoming that thing. I started in early Fall and have continued forward diligently. If I'm not feeling well or have any sore muscles or pains, I still hit the treadmill (just not at the same speed and intensity). I think running is becoming my version of prozac. Seriously! It gives me the biggest boost and changes even the worst mood. (And it balances off my love for certain foods!)

Happy New Year

2010-01-03T07:58:00.001-08:00

I really wanted to be on-the-ball and post this on January 1, but alas, life got in the way. I hope everyone had an enjoyable New Year celebration and took time to reflect on 2009. This year was probably the most difficult year for me personally, but it was also a time of great growth because with struggle comes strength and understanding. I am looking forward to 2010 and have high hopes for good things to come. I don't want to do a recap of the year, as I am seeing them everywhere and feel that by now we should all have a good idea of what happened in 2009. In a nutshell, too many deaths.

Last night I watched Revolutionary Road with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. I know that this movie received some great awards and recognition, but the movie based on the 1961 novel by Richard Yates, was depressing. I could go into further detail, recapping the poignant moments, the larger themes of being trapped by societal pressures and the strong acting, but really, it was just depressing. I can completely appreciate the need for deep, meaningful, often heart-wrenching movies to help us reevaluate our lives, understand more complex worlds and appreciate how far we have come, but sometimes depressing is just depressing. I have not read the book but have heard it is much stronger than the movie. So if I were you, check out the book first.

Yesterday I spent the day babysitting my seven-year old niece and we baked a cake with her Easy Bake oven (a Christmas present from Santa). I felt like I was having a flashback to my own childhood, as I completely remember the wonder and amazement that came from actually baking my own cake! I felt cynical when I began internally criticizing the makers of the Easy Bake oven for using a light bulb to cook a cake...and not well, I might add. But then I looked at that joy on my niece's face as she pulled the dried out, yellow "cake" from the oven. She was so proud of her accomplishment and wanted everyone to try a piece. Isn't that what life is all about? Those little moments of excitement? Hopefully 2010 will bring more Easy Bake oven moments...and take us down fewer Revolutionary Roads.

Building a Bathroom

2009-12-08T18:54:00.000-08:00

This blog is about my life, so I will be including all aspects of my life. At the moment, I am currently remodeling a bathroom in my house. I am planning on updating this site with our work-in-progress. I really like the marble counter top and matching marble floor that I found through Katy Elliot's site.

On Women and Working

2009-12-08T18:41:00.000-08:00

Wall Street Journal reviews books on women in business.

Tina Brown on the Future of Journalism

2009-12-08T18:35:00.001-08:00

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Brigitte Dale...Super Woman

2009-12-07T16:34:00.000-08:00

This girl is fantastic! Vote for Brigitte here.

A Day In The Car

2009-12-04T20:13:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is the face of someone who battled traffic all day!

Better to Give

2009-12-04T19:28:00.000-08:00

We always hear that it is better to give than to receive. This article from the New York Times (along with the studies included) shows that this may in fact be the truth. It is a wonderful story for this time of year.

shopping

2009-12-04T13:46:00.001-08:00

I wrote an entire post while waiting in line at the Coach store in Wrentham Village Outlets and the moment I finished and was about to post a woman bumped into me (quite aggressively) and I accidentally pressed the back arrow button, thereby erasing my entire post and the last bit of patience I had so determinedly held onto.

Basically, my deleted post stands as a symbol of the craziness I encountered. I do, however, highly recommend looking for discounts this holiday season. It will allow you to make smart financial decisions, keep your wallet full and give you the opportunity to buy more *stuff* for those you love. And seriously, isn't the fun of the holidays opening a whole bunch of surprises?! Wouldn't you rather have a lot of really nice presents to open than one overpriced item?

My Novel

2009-11-30T07:23:00.000-08:00

Well, it is official and by putting it on this blog, I will be held accountable. I am finally putting pen to paper (actually fingers to keyboard) and writing a novel! It is a brand new story and I think I am in love with it! I have been working on one story off and on for about five years and I think my constant revisiting was thwarting any forward momentum.

I know that I am late on the National Novel Writing Month (November) but I think that the purpose of that month is that it shows us all that it doesn't take years to get something significant completed. You can start anywhere, anytime.

Beautiful Envelopes

2009-11-29T19:21:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite sites is Creature Comforts and they brought these fantastic envelopes to my attention.

Holiday Postcards

2009-11-29T16:42:00.000-08:00

I am always drawn to the personal, handwritten note, even more so when it comes time for the holidays. We are becoming more and more impersonal as we become more technologically advanced. I am still a sucker for the photo Christmas/Holiday cards, but I also like the handwritten note inside the card. Some people just sign their names, like they are signing a check. Or worse, they have their names printed on the cards. Some people even send a list to the printers, who print the cards, seal them, and apply postage. I want something more meaningful. Give me a quick update, a note to say "hi" and spread some holiday cheer. Maybe if we all slowed down a little and took the time to personalize our holiday cards, it would benefit our hearts and souls and bring joy to others, as well.

I am really loving the Holiday Postcard idea!

{photo courtesy of Rifle Paper Co.}

Beauty

2009-11-29T16:35:00.000-08:00

Anyone else ever dream of being a ballerina? I am thirty-years-old and still find myself hit by a tinge of sadness when I realize that I will never be a ballerina. The grace and elegance is inspiring. I think this is why women try to emulate a "ballerina look" on their wedding day.

{photo by anna wolf}

Book A Week

2009-11-29T11:29:00.000-08:00

With the new year right around the corner and my reentry into the blogging world, I wanted to add a specific dimension to my site. I want to read a Book-A-Week and report back on it here. I am a book publicist, so reading is my job and I tend to get lost in my client's books and stop reading for my own enjoyment. I want to incorporate this Book-A-Week challenge into my site because I think it will not only be a great way to bring titles to readers' attention but it will also be a great place for me to record my own travels through the literary world and will hold me accountable to update the site with my particular books of choice.

Reading is a great escape and there isn't a person alive who doesn't need an escape from the trials and obstacles that life presents on a daily basis. I also like the exercise of writing about reading. I have an affinity for book clubs and reading is not only my escape but my passion. I have appeared on Oprah five times to talk about her book club. Now, with her show ending, and with it the Oprah Book Club, I need a new outlet to infuse my obsession with reading.

Not every book I pick will be deep and meaningful, some may be light, fluffy and, dare I say, "Chick Lit!" This is for pure enjoyment, which is what reading is meant to be and I do believe that no matter how trivial a book may seem, you always learn something. So every week at least one post will be part of the Book-A-Week project. I am already half way through this week's book...which I started this morning...and will let you know my thoughts later on in the week.

What I love most about this project is that it is really for no one else but me. But hopefully, along the way, it will inspire others to pick up a book and READ!

Urban Beautification

2009-11-28T12:04:00.000-08:00

Look what a splash of color and polka dots can do for the city streets. This was installed by "anycoloryoulike" in 2008 on the streets of New York as a vivid art intervention for urban beautification and environmental awareness.

Literature Love

2009-11-28T11:22:00.001-08:00

If you are looking for a gift for a book lover who already has every book she could ever want, you could always consider going an alternative route. Literature Jewelry! Apparently these books are actually usable and wearable!

Here is the description from the creator's Etsy shop:

My books are made using archival insides and antique outsides. Inside you'll find lineless strathmore drawing paper - thick, hand-torn, acid-free pages that work perfectly with ink, pens both thick and superfine, pencil, charcoal, and myriad other mediums. the pages are each hand sewn with archival linen binder's thread. The books' covers are made using hand-picked scraps and worn leather from wherever I can find them, cut to fit the appropriate size. The books can be carried daily and beat up. They are quite strong creatures.

Index Cards

2009-11-27T20:25:00.001-08:00

I am always amazed and impressed by the talent I stumble upon on the internet. This site, Record the Day, shows us a new and inspiring way to use index cards to gather the daily bits of beauty we find during our journey. I just love this creative way to express yourself!

The New York Times Best Books of 2009

2009-11-27T14:44:00.001-08:00

The New York Times has released it's list of the best books of 2009. Because no two reviewers are assigned the same books to review, they are all selecting from their own separate set of titles, which just means more suggestions to add to your Holiday Wish List!

{photo courtesy of Tony Cenicola/New York Times}

The History of Love

2009-11-27T13:54:00.000-08:00

“Even now, all possible feelings do not yet exist, there are still those that lie beyond our capacity and our imagination. From time to time, when a piece of music no one has ever written or a painting no one has ever painted, or something else impossible to predict, fathom or yet describe takes place, a new feeling enters the world. And then, for the millionth time in the history of feeling, the heart surges and absorbs the impact.”

-Nicole Kraus

Realistic Fiction

2009-11-27T13:27:00.000-08:00

"Good realistic fiction offers truth through imagination."-Nina Sankovitch

Nina Sankovitch, creator of the fascinating (and inspiring) website has written an interesting essay over on The Huffington Post about the power of fiction to inspire, educate and illuminate life.

The best books are the ones that do not follow a formula or try too hard to be a certain genre. When I read a book I know when I am being manipulated (messed with) and when I am being told a truth. The best stories present a truth about life in any way that the author finds best, even if it is in lies. An author has to be fearless in just not worrying about the verisimilitude of the story, or is it too romantic, too gross, too quiet or too loud. If the author feels the scene is a genuine, guts-out presentation of the ideas she wants to get across, she has to go with it, go for it, and give it to us. She cannot worry if her story will sell or tank completely (that's the agent's job). She has to write without fear of refusal.

New York City

2009-06-03T19:21:00.000-07:00

I am delighted to report that these beautiful tubes of color are M&M's. Yes. Over six feet tall, filled to the brim with delicious, candy-coated chocolate of the M&M variety. This was the highlight (for my six-year old niece) of our trip to New York City. What was not the highlight was when I took her into a restaurant bathroom only to be greeted by a cockroach.

My niece has a paralyzing fear of bugs. Ants, teeny, tiny ants, make her scream bloody murder. So you can only imagine how she reacted to this GIANT bug scurrying up the wall of a well-lit, crowded bathroom. As she ran from the stall trembling in shock, a woman who was washing her hands looked at me through the reflection of the mirror and said, "That's New York for you."

We left that restaurant immediately, luckily we had yet to order, and landed in Tony's, a fantastic Italian restaurant a block from Times Square. How can you go wrong with family-style dining and larger-than-life menus posted on the wall? We filled our bellies with homemade fettucine alfredo, baked ziti and chicken marsala. The unmentionable from the previous restaurant was nothing but a bad dream.

We ended the night with a trip to the M&M store in Times Square. Piper found out that if she were an M&M she would be a "Mixed Bag." And what is better than finding out you have the rainbow inside of you? She was thrilled and the cockroach was officially forgotten...hopefully.

Memorial Day

2009-05-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

My aunt Fran passed away last Saturday. It was one of the most horrific days of my entire life. She had been battling Soft Tissue Sarcoma for two years and even though we were aware that it was incurable, we had hope. Because what else is there in life if you don't have hope? My aunt Fran was braver than any human being I have ever known, but I only really saw her bravery when this disease came into our lives. She battled sarcoma with everything she had and she did not lose faith for one minute. She stayed positive and upbeat and didn't let the disease take over.

The hardest part about her battle was what it did to her physically. She lost her hair, her ability to walk and her independence. But she continued living on the sunny side of life. She refused to dwell in the darkness of "Why Me?" She wasn't a victim. Fran remained excited about the little things and allowed them to bring her happiness; a nice dinner, visits with family and friends, a good TV show. That's how she lived her life before the illness and that's how she was determined to live her life after the diagnosis.

I read an article in today's Boston Globe about terminal patients refusal to understand the reality of their own mortality. The article clearly explains that this is something that needs to be addressed by health care professionals. I completely understand the direction of this article, but having seen it from the other side, I think my aunt's determination to not accept her negative prognosis is what allowed her to live, truly live, those last months and days of her life.

Now I'm not saying that we don't need a stronger, more emotionally balanced approach to helping people deal with end-of-life plans. Death is an uncomfortable discussion that people need to have. We need to know the wishes of our loved ones. But we also need to have professionals who can help them deal with the emotional impact their disease is having on their life.

We created a memorial site in her name to record any memories that friends or family wanted to express. Here is what I posted:

My aunt Fran is so much more than the few words I can use to fill up this simple square of a guest book. She was silly and caring and fun. She loved the little things and her enthusiasm was infectious. She was fearless and brave and bossy. She loved her friends and her family and made everyone feel special. She was happy and curious and real. She was so much to so many people. She was my aunt and my friend and my life will never ever be the same without her. I miss her so much that even typing these words makes my heart ache. I can't imagine life without her, but I am thankful for the time we had together. I love you Fran!

Love Jocelyn

As the week following Fran's death passed by in a blur of tears and phone calls from worried friends and family, I found myself constantly looking back, remembering happy times when everyone I loved was healthy and together. I found it completely appropriate that Memorial Day arrived just as I was coming out of my haze of mourning. I spent this Memorial Day weekend packing up my aunt's belongings, flipping through old pictures and trying to grasp the finality of death. I don't understand it. I never will. But I know I will grow stronger every day because that is what we do, as human beings. We break and we get stronger in the broken parts. I will never be the same girl that I saw in those innocent pictures from the past. But I am so much more now. I have experienced tremendous sorrow and I have survived. I am brave and I am strong. Because of Fran I will live in the sunny side of life, as she taught me to do, during the darkest hours of her own short life.

Moments of Clarity

2009-05-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

What is it about those moments of clarity? Those moments that come along like tiny bursts of lightning, when, for an instant, you truly believe that everything is alright with the world. Inevitably, this impression of hope and peace will be broken by a sharp edge of reality. You will be thrust back into the ebb and flow of your life. The gritty pieces will be back and in full focus. You will miss your train, lose your job or fight with your mother. Out of nowhere that peaceful moment, like a blast of warm air on a spring day, will be pushed along by a wind you didn't see coming.

But the fleeting beauty of these moments should not diminish the spectacular feeling of contentedness. Consider them gifts from life, rewards for your struggles, glimpses of a perfect world that is within your grasp. They are tiny presents to let you know you have already succeeded.

The more you allow yourself to recognize these moments, the more frequently you will experience them. Open your heart and let the magic of hope, happiness and beauty enter your soul and you will be forever changed, in a moment.

{photo credit: Abby Leigh}

Resilience

2009-05-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

Like millions of Americans, I was glued to my television during the Oprah interview with Elizabeth Edwards. How did she feel when she found out he had destroyed their family? Did she stay with him? What did she tell her children? Has he been begging for forgiveness since that bleak day in 2006 when he admitted to being unfaithful?

I held my breath as Oprah slipped out of her car in front of the Edwards' beautiful home in North Carolina. The family lined up outside their front door to greet her, the picture of perfection. Oprah warmly greeted John, Elizabeth and their two younger children. I found myself wanting Oprah to refuse John's handshake, to not smile so openly at his welcoming. I'm sure many people were sharing the same thoughts. How could this man cheat on his cancer stricken wife? How could he destroy his family and his career, a career that is built on public perception and honesty.

The mistress in question was wild enough to provide enough material for a character in a Jay McInerney novel, a woman with loose morals and a sexually boisterous life. A woman who saw waiting for the results of an STD test as a good time to take a "short" break from her sexual conquests. A woman who waited outside of a hotel for a married man.

We can all assume he was seduced. But are we to forgive him and excuse his behavior because he was overwhelmed by a woman who felt it appropriate to hit on a married man? Are we to forgive John Edwards because up until then he had been a good father and husband with a good job and shiny hair? Upon meeting him, Oprah asked if she could speak with him later. "We'll see," he replied with a smug smile as he took a step backward. I wanted him to wipe the slimy smile off his face and be accountable. Later on, Oprah asked him if he feared losing Elizabeth when he admitted his infidelity. He paused, and in that moment, I lost any remaining respect I may have had for him. There should have been no pause, no thinking, no subtle gestures to depict a thoughtful answer. He should have answered immediately, without the slightest hesitation, "YES! I was terrified I would lose her!" It should have spilled from his mouth in one fluid breath as though it sits on the tip of his tongue at all times. In that simple, momentary pause, I saw a man who did not regret his indiscretion. I saw a man who regretted getting caught.

We naturally defend and support Elizabeth's decision to stay with her husband. Her battle is already arduous and long. It is a battle against an invisible enemy, a cancer in her bones. She is sick. She is dying. She doesn't want to break apart her family and bring that unhappiness into her life. But John already brought that unhappiness in. He opened the door for it and stood their smiling.

What about Elizabeth? What about her legacy? The memories she will leave her children. Doesn't she want to teach her daughters that staying with a man who cheats is forgiving the unforgivable? Doesn't she want to teach her son that if he betrays the woman he loves he will lose her forever?

There is no question that Elizabeth Edwards is a woman to admire. She is well-educated and strong, conscientious and graceful. She has poise, confidence and a strength of spirit that shines in her eyes. She is also real and therefore vulnerable. She will make mistakes, she will fail, she will suffer and she will triumph over obstacles. She is the definition of resilience. I can't deny that I wished she had "kicked John to the curb," but I can't fault her for making tough decisions in a difficult time.

The Weight of Your Heart

2009-05-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am starting to feel the weight of all that is going on in my life with regards to my aunt's illness. I feel that my emotions are unpredictable and my heart is heavy. I want to buy her presents or bring her ice cream and candy to make the pain go away, but I know that nothing has that kind of power, there isn't a present big enough. Her body is betraying her and yet she has been bravely and stoically fighting a disease that came out of nowhere.

The frustrating thing about worries and fears is that they are pervasive. They seep into your thoughts at unpredictable times and render you useless. They are literally earth-shattering. I keep reading these "self help" books, hoping to gain insight on matters I have no physical control over. They tout having a positive attitude to overcome all hardships, and while I agree with this theory in every day life, it is difficult to possess when facing serious battles. How do you stay positive in the face of sickness and disease? When the lives of those you love are being tested on a constant and daily basis it is hard to stay positive without feeling an overwhelming sense of naivete. It is hard not to have anger residing in your heart.

I am also finding it difficult to do anything but focus on the present; the past held too much hope and the future is far to uncertain. These feeling of sadness, stress, fear and worry hold me hostage, but at this stage it is all I can do. I have to hold on tight to the ones I love because this ride is unpredictable, goes far too fast and often throws me in directions I had never expected.

Strength

2009-04-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

The YMCA that I belong to is set up in a really interesting way. The bank of treadmills is positioned so that they face floor to ceiling windows that overlook the pool. Ah, the pool. When I’m not actually in the pool, I find this to be the next best place to be. I enjoy the distraction. I love watching the old women with their short, white hair, parade confidently down the length of the pool, looking for open lanes, space to spread out. They slide their strong bodies into the comforting and healing waters. There is nothing to slow them down in the pool, no arthritis, no joint pains, no swollen hips, the pool is their fountain of youth.

Today I watched a young mother enter the pool area with her two young children in tow. She was in her late 30’s and looked like the kind of mom who actually played with her kids. She looked like a get-your-hands-dirty, roll-on-the-front-lawn kind of mom. She was not a size 2 in a string bikini, but that’s what’s wonderful about a YMCA swimming pool, you never see bikinis because the women using it are there for themselves, not to impress anyone else.

So there she was, leaning down into the pool. Her legs were strong and fit but her stomach wasn’t flat, she had lumps and imperfections like everyone but she didn’t seem to even notice. She was the picture of health and happiness. She was wearing a bright red Speedo, the kind you wear for a purpose, to actually swim, to jump and dive and splash in. You wear these bathing suits for comfort and functionality, the kind of bathing suits you wore before you were even aware of your own body. Her whole body was solid, the kind of woman who would run a mile for fun, jump in a pool at a pool party because it was hot, wear her hair lose and messy because it saved time. She can keep up with the boys and be proud of the things she can accomplish with her strength and endurance.

These are the kind of women we want young girls looking up to and aspiring to be like. The kind of women who exercise because of the way it makes them feel, healthy and strong, not because it helps them fit into size 6 jeans. It is refreshing to see strong, active women and it inspires me to continue living my life in accordance with these core values. I want to be that young mother, and someday, those older women. I want to put all my energy into every day and sleep peacefully at night, exhausted from the pursuits of my day and the force I breathe into my life.

A Pregnant Pause

2009-04-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

I find myself marveling at all the pregnant bellies I have seen lately. I feel like a baby who has just discovered her hands. It is just amazing that we, as women, carry around a human life inside our bodies! It just completely astounds me. And yet, I am not pregnant, have never been pregnant and the only close experience I had with pregnancy was my sisters and she delivered three and half months prematurely and was on bed rest (god bless her) for most of the time. So I didn’t get to experience, vicariously through her, of course, the constant kicks, the ever-expanding belly and the tiny feet finding themselves stuck under ribs (yes! This happens!...or so I’ve been told).

No, I don’t have baby fever (well, maybe a little), but I am in no way ready to be a mom. I am merely finding myself in a state of wonder about the whole pregnancy process. I look at my mom and can’t help thinking, “She carried me, in her stomach, for nine months!”

I’m sure this wonder and amazement will pass. It is but a fleeting thought. I am at that stage in life (30…gasp!) where many, many girls I grew up with are having children. Facebook seems to be a constant notification device of the babies that are being born left and right. Okay, maybe I do have a bit of baby fever. And while I love the thought of having a cuddly, squishy, soft, sweet baby of my own, I’m not ready for being up all night with a sleepless tot or changing diapers more frequently than blinking. For now I am going to enjoy my sleep, my flat stomach and the freedom to go for a run at a moment’s notice. But when that day comes, you can bet I am going to be spending hours staring at my own expanding belly and wondering, “How in the world…”

Fears

2009-04-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

We are haunted by our fears every day. They come climbing into the inner recesses of our mind when we least expect it. What are our fears except extensions of our selves? For as long as I can remember, I have feared making the wrong decision, the wrong move, the wrong choice. To calm my worries, people would often say, "There is no right or wrong." But this did not soothe my nerves. I want to believe in fate and everything happening for a reason, with a universal plan in motion, but I can't stop weighing one road against another. Would I have been happier if...Should I have stayed with...Should I have left? Do I have too much doubt and not enough trust? Is my inner voice being overshadowed by outside noises? Am I spending too much time worrying and not enough time living? Yes, we will all make mistakes, bad choices, questionable decisions but on the upside, we will never be bored and we'll have enough stories to fill hundreds of pages of our riveting memoirs. I guess the lesson is, live life to the fullest, get messy, make mistakes, laugh, scream, cry and smile because we only get one chance, but if we take risks one is all we'll need...and we'll be too busy to notice any mistakes.

I'm back...

2009-04-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

I have been away from this blog for so long because I have been working on other endeavors...in other words, life, family, friends and paying the bills kind of got in the way. But what I'm realizing as I explore other blogs out there, is that those "other endeavors" are what make for great blog posts and personal exploration. Those daily tasks and the thoughts and feelings that go into each and every one of them is what connects us all. Fear, love, anger, happiness and every other emotion under the sun is what binds us together and what keeps us from falling apart. And isn't that the point of all writing, to discover pieces of yourself and thoughts and ideas that you would have never found otherwise?

This blog is my written epiphany. I hope it inspires you to find your own, as well.

Inspiration

2007-10-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

This weekend, at Piper's 5th birthday party, I started talking about scrapbooking. I overlooked the whole notion of scrapbooking in the beginning. I honestly don't know why. This summer, on a whim, I bought a scrapbook and some little stickers and pretty "things" that I thought would work well in an album of sorts. I have only recently started photographing and the only reason I started doing that was because I realized how often I am drawn to images I see on websites. I absolutely adore being given that small window into such a large life. It is amazing what you can capture in one image.

So I started taking pictures more regularly. It has gotten so bad that I literally have to have my camera with me at all times. Then the question came to me...what to do with all of these photos? That was when the scrapbook was purchased, more as just an album, a place to hold my pictures, than anything else. But what I am slowly realizing is that scrapbooking is a way to tell a story, to write about your life, to record every day events in an extraordinary way. It is inspiring. It is honest. It is authentic. It is beautiful.

Putting pictures and thoughts down on a piece of paper is a way to cherish those moments. It also has this amazing way of making you start to see "moments" all the time. It is so easy to get lost in the hectic nature of life, the craziness of work, bills, responsibilities, anger, frustration, sadness. Capturing the things you are grateful for, the things that make you happy and at peace with life, help blur the edges of the harshness of realities.

I think I am a lifelong convert to scrapbooking. It is really is The Art of Life.

Summer

2007-08-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

I have always known the importance of seasons. How can you appreciate the beauty and tranquility of a still summer day when you haven't endured the brittleness of winter? Yesterday, I sat on the beach and read Jen Lancaster's newest memoir, Bright Lights, Big Ass. This woman has a great voice for humor and the ability to find her own take on every detail of ordinary life. I drank a strawberry smoothie and just appreciated the stillness of the moment and the solidity of my space. I watched the children jumping in and out of the pool; dripping, tanned and energetic, as every child seems to share this same presence, especially in summer. This fluidity reminded me of my own childhood summer days. When I saw an old friend across the pool, I found myself giddy to talk to her. M and I had spent countless summer days diving beneath this very pool and riding the surf in the ocean. Our hair always tangled and salty and stiff from the torment. How wonderful it was to sit with her and feel as though we were right back where we left off? We could have been eight years old again, the conversations are different but the feelings and the emotions are the same. Her mother stopped by and I felt I should be asking for permission for a sleepover. I love how time changes everything and nothing. And here I am, 28 years old, jumping in the pool with a best friend.

Last night I took my dog, Gracie, for a walk. My new goal is to train her, to at least teach her to sit and stay. The air was marvellous and their was a slight breeze that cooled down the heat of the day. I thought about how wonderful it must be to have a screened in porch. If I had one, I would sit out there every night. I would drag a television, a table, my books out into my tiny outdoor world and I would live in it from the first warm night until the first winter chill. How wonderful it must be to experience the natural world without the peskiness of mosquitos and other bugs.

I think I need another sweet drink, a good book and some more time to experience this beautiful summer weather.

Are Your Friends Making You Fat?

2007-08-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

A recent study published in The New England Journal of Medicine found that people were most likely to become obese if a friend has become obese. The study is upsetting many people in that it gives the idea that a person's weight will be dictated by the weight of their friends. Should we only have skinny friends? Is this just another way obese people will be discriminated against?

Having friends of all shapes and sizes is healthy, natural and should be encouraged. Each year millions of Americans are diagnosed with depression. Many seek out the assistance of antidepressant medication, but it is becoming increasingly common for people to look for non-pharmacologic help for fighting depression. Recent studies have found that exercising in groups in may be the most effective aid in fighting depression. This should be seen as an antidote to the possibly destructive side-effect of New England Journal of Medicine study.

Researcher James Blumenthal of Duke University completed a study that found that exercise, when performed in a group setting, seems to be as effective as standard antidepressant medications in reducing symptoms in patients with major depression. His study found that 10 months of regular, moderate exercise reduced depressive symptoms at a rate equal to that of medication. Exercise combined with contact with others -- friends, family, clubs and group activities -- can boost mood and help ease depression.

Dr. Nadia Marsh, an expert in treating depression and chief of the division of geriatrics at Cabrini Medical Center, in New York City said that people who exercise tend to feel that they have more control over their life. Because helplessness is a key ingredient in depression, anything that allows a person to regain a sense of control and balance can help alleviate the feelings of depression.

There are unlimited benefits of exercise, particularly in a group setting, in fighting depression. I think that people should focus on fighting obesity WITH their friends. As the saying goes, the more the merrier. Can't this be true in fighting the battle of the bulge as well?

The Happy Late Bird

2007-07-13T08:02:00.000-07:00

Procrastinating is one of the worst things you can do, right? WRONG! Some of the most brilliant and productive people in the world are known procrastinators. Leonardo da Vinci was known as a renaissance man becuase of his ability to pursue multiple ideas and areas of inspiration. Historians have written that he was easily distracted and followed every burst of inspiration, whether or not it resulted in genius. Today he would be classified as a procrastinator, and thank goodness he was!

A Carleton University study found that nearly 70 percent of their student population said they procrastinate. But is this always as bad as it is portrayed in the media? Is there a way to harness our procrastinating into more positive and productive outlets? Can we define what areas of procrastination are helpful (creative outlets like writing, scrapbooking, etc.)?

The procrastinator is always aware of what areas he or she is avoiding. This means that goals are being set, if not always accomplished. Procrastinators are also able to compartmentalize. They know what areas are more or less important and they pursue that which they feel would be more fulfilling.

What are the benefits of procrastination? How can we procrastinate without guilt and will we ever understand why we procrastinate?

Something to think about...

Collective Joy

2007-07-10T17:58:00.000-07:00

Barbara Ehrenrich wrote in her most recent work, Dancing in the Streets: A History of Collective Joy, "We are social beings, impelled almost instinctively to share our joy, and therefore able to envision, perhaps even create, a more peaceful future."

I would love to take the time to explore the theory of collective joy. There have been numerous studies that have found people are happier, more positive, more productive and more hopeful when part of a large group. During the holiday season, we face many group gatherings in a small period of time. Wouldn't it be wonderful to prove that people are happier in groups? This may even convince you to take part in all that the holiday's have to offer. Many people are discouraged by group gatherings, fearing they will be scrutinized, criticized or rejected. What they need to understand and appreciate is that the group setting can often give people a stronger sense of community, friendship, support and understanding, as well as happiness.

A few years ago, on the gorgeous island of the Bahamas, my family and I decided to venture over to the Atlantis Hotel for New Years Eve. I was fighting with my fiance, my two-year-old niece had just peed on me and I was feeling incredibly depressed. Suddenly the sound of distant drums beating piqued my interest. What happened next changed my understanding of human nature and our own emotional ability to be encouraged into a state of complete happiness. The Junkanoo street parade was travelling through the Atlantis hotel. People started to gather around, cheering on the dancing street performers in colorful and extravagent costumes. The celebratorial atmosphere, combined with the collective joy of the surrounding group, boosted my mood and caused me to recognize the happiness and excitement that was swirling all around me. It was a celebration of the holidays, of the New Year, of people united and of life. It was a declaration of the happiness of existence and the unexpected joys of life.

Hidden Treasures

2007-07-10T17:55:00.001-07:00

Underground restaurants are becoming word-of-mouth hot spots.

No signs, no Zagat ratings and no codes to meet, underground restaurants are becoming modern day speakeasies for food lovers. They are hot spots that can only be found through word-of-mouth buzz and can only be accessed by invitation.

The idea of an unlicensed restaurant can leave many people running to the nearest T.G.I.Fridays, but for the more adventurous diners, a hidden restaurant can make their palates tingle. These establishments, most often run directly from the cook's kitchen, typically offer unique cuisine that isn't available in local restaurants.

The Ghetto Gourmet began as a unique dining experience in a basement apartment in Oakland, CA. They are now a well-regarded and well-established company that offers a private dining experience.

Digs Bistro was a monthly restaurant run by Jesse Kupers who billed his dinners as art shows with free food just to get around the legalities.

The trend is also spreading internationally. Hidden Kitchen is set in an apartment in Paris and Zingara Cucina is Australian-based with no fixed location and a menu that changes weekly.

This is an incredible shifting trend in the world of food. People are seeking authentic, comforting and uniting dining experiences not typically found in other establishments. A culinary adventure in their own neighborhood.

Blog Your Way to Happiness

2007-07-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

According to research, writing about your daily experiences (both positive and negative) can help strengthen your immune system and lower your blood pressure. James W. Pennebaker, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin found that journaling can be a very therapeutic way to handle your life. The question now turns to whether blogging about your life in a public medium can have the same therapeutic effect. It has been noted that many people find that the public aspect of a blog not only creates unity but also forces the blogger to make efforts to document the positives in their life.

Two thousand people were surveyed by LastMinuteLiving.com to understand the phenomenon behind blogs and whether it is beneficial to your life. The study found that 85 percent of people writing a blog did it to express their inner thoughts and feelings in a non-judgemental environment. Nearly half of the 2,000 people surveyed online found that a blog helped them get through life as it allowed them to relax and de-stress at the end of the day. It also pushed these bloggers to find something positive in their day-to-day activities.

Sidenote: Two bloggers met their husbands through their blogs, Stephanie Klein of GreekTragedy and Molly Wizenberg of Orangette

Is Self-Employment Good For the Self?

2007-04-16T10:17:00.001-07:00

There are so many things that I enjoy doing and the list grows daily. Reading, cooking and watching television (particularly bad reality shows) tops the list. These are all activities that relax, inspire and energize me. And yet I can not allow myself the time to do any of them between Monday's and Friday's. Come to think of it, the weekends are pretty much consumed with work as well.

"Oh, you must have a strict office job?" People often ask when I complain about my inability to seek solace and relaxation during the day. I must them solemnly and with tremendous guilt, tell them no. I must explain that I am, in fact, my own boss. And quite possibly the worst boss I have ever worked for in my life!

The soft cushions of the couch do not touch my posterior from the moment I rise. It must seem the most trivial complaint of someone who is self-employed, but I truly have no time for myself! Why is it that the self-employed portion of our society are often the most over-worked, under-paid, under-appreciated and depressed? Why do we monopolize our own time so rigidly when for most of us the reason we left corporate America was to have MORE time? Why do people choose to be self-employed and how many of them are really happy?

There are over 10 million self-employed people in the United States today. I would like to explore these careers, find out what made these people take this leap of faith and determine their level of happiness and success?

The Picky Diner

2007-04-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

After dining with my newly pregnant friend, I realized how difficult a simple meal at a restaurant can be. This is why Kate Markgraf is garnering so much attention. While dining at the Langham Hotel’s Café Fleuri, Margraf suggested creating a menu that catered to pregnant women. She introduced her idea to Chef Mark Sapienza and he was so taken with the idea that a pregnancy menu was developed. The menu is divided into sweet and salty dishes to target specific cravings of pregnant women. The dishes are all specifically developed to satisfy pregnancy nutrition requirements.

With the varying differences in people’s dietary requirements, more and more restaurants are catering their menus to reflect these needs. Legal Seafood offers a wheat-and-gluten-free menu for diners suffering from celiac disease, an intestinal disorder that causes the body to reject wheat, rye, and barley, among other grains. Standard fare is given major alterations to create a satisfying dining experience for diners with special needs. Salads come with gluten-free croutons, and calamari sautéed in gluten-free oil arrives with a cornmeal breading.

Many smaller boutique restaurants are making dietary adjustments, as well. The Elephant Walk in Cambridge, Brookline, and Waltham has gluten-free and vegan menus for lunch, dinner, and Sunday brunch. Blue Ginger’s Ming Tsai is an outspoken advocate for allergy-sensitive diners. They will accommodate these patrons as long as they notify the kitchen in advance. With the help of the Massachusetts Restaurant Association, Tsai continues to push for legislation requiring restaurants to train servers and cooks about high-risk ingredients and common substitutions.

Is this a legitimate trend that will continue to grow or is it too specialized? Is it something that people will support? Do more restaurants need specialty menus? How many allergy-sensitive diners are there in the world? What are their thoughts on the current dining situation in our country?

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

2007-04-15T16:45:00.000-07:00

Finding Love the Old-Fashioned Way

What is a fabulously sophisticated woman to do if she finds herself running out of wealthy men to frolic with across this darling island of Manhattan? Why, sign up with a matchmaker, silly!

What is wrong with a woman wanting to be judged solely on her beauty and a man judged on his income? In the caveman days, women searched for men who they felt could protect and provide for them. What offers more protection than a million dollar penthouse in the city and a Mercedes S-Class? Do you know how safe a doorman and a German car can be?

PocketChange, the New York-based company has created “Natural Selection Speed Dating”, a matchmaking service exclusively available to wealthy men and beautiful women. The first run of this elite dating service occurred last week at a swanky restaurant in uptown Manhattan. I wonder if these clever, take-charge individuals found true love, or at least a dinner companion?

The company has lovely plans for the future, including a matchmaking night for “Sugar Mama’s” looking for a sweet-young-thing to keep them company through lonely nights. Who knows, there may be another Ashton & Demi cavorting through this fabulous city.

Is it wrong to match people up based on shallow desires? Is this the trend matchmaking is taking? Are we getting down to what people really want and what could be the success rate of such an experiment? Who better to give your readers some answers than some of the city’s best matchmakers as well as those wishing to be matched?

As more and more singles are growing tired of looking for love on websites, at speed dating events or in personal ads, a new and yet somewhat old-fashioned trend is steadily rising in popularity. Matchmaking. This method of finding love has been around for centuries and is now getting a face-lift to compete with the times. Websites devoted to helping friends introduce friends are popping up all over the internet and training programs like the Matchmaking Institute in New York are preparing people to become matchmakers.

The matchmaking site Engage.com reports that half of all marriages in the United States are created through matchmakers, friends introducing eligible friends. That’s all it takes. Samantha Daniels was a successful divorce attorney who started her own matchmaking company. Her efforts were the basis of a short-lived television series, “Miss Match”. But what she offered her clients, and what more and more companies are beginning to offer, is a private and personal way to meet a potential partner.

Janis Spindel is a professional matchmaker from New York who charges upwards of $100,000 to find her clients a mate. Spindel has been in this business for over 15 years and takes the credit for 760 marriages and thousands of committed relationships.

With the increasing number of sites like Engage.com, Lovehappens.com, Matchmakinginstitute.com and Samanthastable.com, this is a fascinating topic that is growing in popularity and legitimacy daily.

Bullying the Bully

2007-04-13T14:04:00.000-07:00

Your 8-year-old son comes home from school and is withdrawn and quiet. You press him for details but he seems distraught. Eventually you are able to pull the problem out of him. He has been bullied at school. Your first reaction is to march down to the school, pull the bully’s parents in for a meeting and fix this mess before anything like this happens again. Unfortunately, this is not the best route.

Experts are saying that it is becoming more common for children to open up to their parents about what is going on in their lives…Great! Then parents are taking matters in their own hands and aggressively trying to fix the problems and fix the bullies…Not so great.

“Adults who address bullying by bullying the bullies will not solve theproblem,” warns Dr. Doug Winborn, associate professor of health and human performance at MTSU . “While the bullying behavior is unwanted, the bully must be helped along, too. And there are ways to accomplish this (through educational) programs.”

It is a sad situation, but experiencing the swings and glares of bullies in school has become a normal part of growing up. However, Dr. Ellen Slicker, MTSU psychology professor believes that this behavior is destructive to both the bully and the victim.

How do you handle this situation with respect to both sides? How do you deal with your child if they are being bullied or if they are the bully?

The Caffeine Rush

2007-04-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

Grabbing a hot cup of coffee may be the undiscovered remedy for your burning, post-workout muscles. A recent study has found that caffeine can reduce the pain from exercise-induced muscle soreness. Lead researcher Victor Maridakis studied nine female college students who were not regular caffeine and coffee drinkers. Each participant was given either caffeine or a placebo after an exercise session and one hour before a strenuous thigh workout. Those who were given caffeine experienced 48 percent reduction in pain compared with the placebo group.

Previous studies on caffeine have shown that it increases alertness and boosts endurance. The researchers suggest the caffeine likely works by blocking the body’s receptors for adenosine, a chemical released in response to inflammation.

Caffeine and energy packed drinks like Red Bull have grown to a $3.4 billion yearly industry. It grew by 80 percent last year. How dangerous are these drinks and what is the long-term impact they will have on a generation of children who have grown up with a constant caffeine boost?

Just this past year, more than 500 new energy drinks entered the worldwide consumer market. It has been reported that many young adults are abusing the caffeine rush that these drinks provide by drinking numerous cans in a row to get an unnatural “high” or “buzz.”

There are clubs on-line for energy drinkers, MySpace pages and blogs popping up daily. This growing industry is working hard to recruit new fans of these heart-racing drinks.

What are the negative impacts of such drinks like Red Bull, Monster and the newly added (and scandalously named) Cocaine on our health? Do the benefits of caffeine outweigh the negatives?

The Book Project

2007-01-01T15:45:00.000-08:00

I have decided to start a project for the New Year! I am going to read 52 books (minimum) in 2007 and I am going to blog about my readings.

Wish me luck...

and Happy New Year!

Comfort Zone

2006-10-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

I live in a tiny bubble. I accept that and I really love the bubble that is my life. I have dealt with enough tragedy, heartbreak, drama and loss within my comfort zone that I don't feel the need to leave it. For one thing, every day that I am able to spend with my niece feels like a blessing. Her entrance into this world was not an easy one. She wasn't born as a healthy, pink, screaming bundle of 8lbs. She jumped into her life far too early. She weighed 2lbs and her first breath was a struggle. She was put on machines to mimic the womb, the place where she was supposed to stay long enough to grow healthy and strong. I watched machines keep her alive. I sat patiently by her enclosed crib and watched as her tiny chest filled with air. I could see her heart beat through skin as thin as a butterfly's wing. I made a promise to her that I would always be there. If that means staying in this bubble, so be it.

Dr. "D"

2006-10-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

My face is warm to the touch and my nose is running. I have a thick cloud that is surrounding my head, making it heavy and tired. I sneeze often and rub my burning eyes. You only appreciate health when it's not around, when it's a distant memory.

Today I visited the house of my pediatrician. He lived and worked around the corner from where I grew up. Middle of the night visits are what I remember most. Sitting in a vinyl chair with my nightgown over pink sweatpants. My mother sitting beside me, rubbing my back. Ear infections were a staple of my childhood and Dr."D" was always there to cure my ache and give stickers to make me smile. Dr."D" passed away last year and now his wife is gone as well. There was an estate sale at his house today. Part of me wishes I had never stepped foot in his house. I don't want to remember his life this way--chaos and sadness. Maybe his death was the death of her as well, just not physically. After he was gone, she let her home and life fall down around her. Maybe she sought solace in bringing new things into her house, to fill the void his death had created. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking.

I stood in the small patients room where I had been many times in my childhood. The irony that I was sick today, the day I revisited his life, was not lost on me. I can only hope that I am able to find as wonderful a pediatrician as he was for my children. Dr."D" was one in a million and that is how I will remember him, always.

holiday rush

2006-10-18T08:24:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I went to The Christmas Tree Shop. I can't believe that I am new to this enormously popular chain of stores. I think I always assumed that it only sold Christmas themed items, and who wants to shop for Christmas in July? And for reasons beyond my control, I never seemed to make it there during the holiday for which it was named.

All I can say is that this store is now my favorite place! Not only can you get random little decorations, but you can find baskets and boxes and wrapping paper. Cards and gifts and toys. Everything imaginable and all for low, low, LOW prices! What more could you ask for?

Ok, enough of the commercial here. What this trip to the store did for me yesterday was put me in the most festive of moods! I can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas! I am enormously excited about being with the ones I love and fully enjoying the holidays!

xoxo
jocelyn

holiday rush

2006-10-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

one chance

2006-10-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

we are given one chance. one opportunity to live, love, laugh, cry, speak, listen, dream and succeed.

do what you can. do it all. have no regrets and live in the moment.

be at peace with who you are and what you want in life.

it is all about happiness and love. surround yourself with that and you will have succeeded.

xoxo
jocelyn

alarm clock

2006-09-26T14:43:00.000-07:00

Today the alarm went off at 7am. Windows open, cold air rushing in and a spotlessly clean apartment. It took me a moment to realize that this was the day M. leaves for China. We hopped out of bed, still delirious from sleep and started going through the motions of getting ready for any other day. The only change in routine was the luggage in the front hall.

He drove to the airport and as we pulled up to the drop-off, I felt fine. There were no tears and I knew I was ready to face this two-month period with grace and maturity.

Then I cried and listened to sad music the whole way home. Oh well, I’m a girl. What else can I say?

Alarm Clock

2006-09-26T14:41:00.001-07:00

Alarm Clock

2006-09-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

Love

2006-09-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

Last night Mike came to my house around 3:30. He wanted to spend time with me before he leaves for China. Sweet, sincere and loving. We went with the whole group (Kelley’s, Hall’s and Fran) to Sunnyside Bowling Alley. I bowled a seventy-eight. Mike and Eddie were fiercely competitive. Eddie won one game and Mike won the other. If they had played one more round, my money would have been on Mike. Piper got Dora stickers from a machine. Everyone was happy. Watching Piper bowl is one of the most adorable sights to see and in my humble opinion, the girl is a natural.

We then ventured over to BJ’s for some snacks for dinner. Cold cuts, cookies, candy, cheesecake, chips. Do all comfort foods begin with the letter “C”? Mike and I came up with the ingenious idea to make a 7-layer Mexican dip. Neither of us knew how, so we headed over to Stop & Shop to see if this was plausible (or if they had a pre-made dip). They didn’t. I became a fugitive and ripped open a package of Fat Free Cream Cheese because of the promise of a recipe inside. I had no intention of purchasing the fat free version and Mike was impressed with my moxie. I think he was surprised by my “bad” side, which rarely surfaces.

By the time we got back to my house, it was 7:30. We were starving and the dip just seemed to be too difficult. Our stomachs were growling and there was no way we were stopping to read directions.

The night rolled on in a blur of food, music, football watching (by the boys) and laughter. Piper discovered my American Girl doll collection. The spark was ignited. She has years and years and years of doll playing to look forward to. I’m almost envious. Unwrapping Samantha Parkington on Christmas morning made my 9-year-old self happier than words could express! Nothing could top that feeling.

But nights like this come very close. These are the nights I live for and love. I’m at peace with my surroundings and those who inhabit my world. Isn’t this what life is supposed to be? Why fight it or question it or look for problems? Be happy in the moment and hold on to those you love. Playing Scrabble with Mike until dawn was icing on the cake. JIBE, BE & WED, who knew those words could make me laugh until my sides hurt. And the fact that he loves me even though I’m horrible at keeping score makes everything perfect.

Forget the world...

2006-09-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

On the Edge

2006-09-05T18:57:00.000-07:00

The Crocodile Hunter died on Monday, September 4th. For some reason, be it the images of his adorable family or his constant smile and zest for life, this has touched my soul and my heart breaks for his family.

He lived a life on the edge,
chasing the wild,
facing the fears
with the heart of a child.

Always a smile,
a laugh and a wink,
we held our breath
we couldn't even blink.

An adventure, a journey
a dare every day.
Steve Irwin we'll miss you
in our thoughts you will stay.

My thoughts and prayers go to his family.

Cohabitation Nation

2006-09-03T12:59:00.000-07:00

Over one year ago my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. Most women would have been filling their cars with all of their belongings and speedily heading down the road toward cohabitation, the first hurdle on their way to wedded bliss. Was I ready to give up my sweet smelling, magnificently decorated, cozy home for raised toilet seats, beer cans and boxer shorts scattered across the bedroom floor?

I didn’t turn down my boyfriends offer immediately. Technically, I agreed to move in and then found myself reluctant to actually make the move, essentially I was stalling. What I realized during this period (and after hours of research to help justify my nerves) is that many couples are jumping into cohabitation faster than generations past. Today cohabitation is the “norm”. Couples are much more eager to test drive their relationship before stepping into marriage. Many relationship coaches agree that living together before marriage is beneficial and a great way to see if you are compatible on a daily basis.

However, I said no. Why did I reject “playing house” with the love of my life? And why are more women reverting to the “old fashioned” belief of keeping the mystery alive.

According to the U.S. Census, nearly 5 million unmarried couples live together. There has been a 72% increase in cohabitation over the past decade. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more than half of women in the United States have lived with a significant other by the age of 30. Convenience, saving money, and to test the waters for marriage are key factors in a couples’ decision to shack up. But is this really the smartest route to happily ever after?

The American Sociological Review found an 85% failure rate among those who live together before marriage. Recent studies from both the US and Europe show that couples who live together before marriage divorce at higher rates than couples who wait until they say their vows. The risk of divorce after living together is 80% higher than the risk of divorce after not living together. (American Sociological Review)

Are couples who live together before marriage doomed? What is the role of cohabitation in the declining rates of marriage?

Linda Marshall, a Cincinnati-based relationship coach, says that, while more couples’ are cohabitating, that trend isn't necessarily proving to be beneficial. Most cohabitating couples are not living together after four years. "The marriage rate is declining," she says, "but more people are cohabitating, and the failure rate for cohabitation is higher than marriage."

A recent study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who get engaged before living together are happier before and after marriage than couples who cohabitate before setting a date. However, according to the 1997 Durex Global Sex Survey, people who live together but aren't married report the greatest frequency of sex. (I have a feeling this would be the one statistic to stand out in the minds of most readers.)

So maybe I should wait until I'm married?

(Image courtesy of DailyCandy.com)

For Mom...

2006-08-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

I remember nights spent in your bed. The magic bed. The cool, green sheets. Megan and I would wiggle into the middle of it. She would spread out and go to her side, I would move closer to you. I always chose you. In first grade I had to take the bus, I was noticeably changed by the separation from you. Megan was supposed to sit with me, protect me, watch over me. She wasn’t ready for that role. I wasn’t ready to leave. That was when coming home became my definition of happiness, safety, love. I stared out the dirty window and pulled the emergency exit by mistake. Maybe it wasn’t a mistake.

When I played hide and seek, I didn’t want to be found. I stayed buried deep in your closet, smelling your clothes. I could hear your gold bracelets shifting on your wrists. You have the most beautiful arms I have ever seen and I like to think I have inherited them. Strong and feminine, soft and embracing. You drove me to soccer practice, acting classes and swim meets. Gymnastics, piano, tennis. I always came back to the swimming and you always drove. When I stood solid on the starting block, the sun beating down on me, you cheered the loudest. I can hear you even now. You have never stopped cheering.

I have made you cry. We have fought out of love, out of similarities, out of fear. I am more like you than I ever expected to be, but I always secretly wished. My wishes came true. I am a rough version of you. I still have years to go, but the outline is there and it’s solid.

I am so sorry for always taking out my insecurities and fears on you. You have always been my voice of reason. Mom, I love you so much. I love what you have allowed me to become. I love the woman I am because of you. I love that you have always filled my life with laughter, happiness, security and strength. You have kept me in the moment, made me realize I have happiness in my soul. You have been my compass and pointed out the stars. You encouraged me to touch them, feel them, reach for them all. You have told me that nothing matters more than this moment. You allowed me to let go and believe in the strength of my safety net. Thank you so much for the lessons you have taught me. I carry them with me, in my heart, every day. I love you so much.

Love Jocelyn

End of Summer

2006-08-29T08:47:00.000-07:00

Today feels like summer when I was a child. Rainy days spent inside, reading and playing. Making the best of a day without sunshine and dry heat. Often these days would come after a long string of hot, summer days, forcing our tired, sun-tanned bodies to rest and regroup.

I feel like I need a day to regroup and gather my thoughts, clear my head and start over. I want to curl up on the couch in my pajamas, tuck my feet underneath my legs and settle in with an absorbing and uplifting book. The literary equivalent of apple pie. I don't want to tackle sadness or hardships, there is too much of that in every day life. You need only turn on the news to find heartbreak. I want only peaceful and happy thoughts, just like my sweet timeless memories of childhood summers.

Does he worry?

2006-08-27T10:11:00.000-07:00

This is what worries me. I read and hear about people’s lives and the relationships they lead. One recent blog chronicling the life of a 20-something girl had an entry about her new relationship.

“He keeps talking about how long it’s been. ‘Baby, I’m starting to worry about you. We’ve been dating for three months, and you’ve been depressed for two of them.’ He thinks it has something to do with him. Like I’m not happy, or the thrill has worn off. It’s neither. It’s everything else in my life, and I need more than one thing to make me happy.”

I find myself always asking if he is okay. If he is happy. If his life is going the way he had planned. I am supportive, I am comforting, I am loving. But then one day I start to notice that he never asks me these things. Does that mean he doesn’t care about my happiness? I have a tendency to internalize everything. I take on everyone’s problems, I worry about everyone I love and I always want to make everyone happy. But I need to feel that back. This isn't about wanting to be the center of attention. That's a joke, a bad one. It's about needing to get love and respect from those who have my heart. My family worries about me even when there is no reason and something about that is comforting. It's about someone having your back. They think about me and want to make sure I'm happy. Does he? This is a big deal. A big question. Something that worries me. Does he worry about me?

Big Brother

2006-08-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

Confession: I love Big Brother.

And not just this particular season, which is spectacular, I might add, but every season since its inception seven years ago. I know, I know. I’m a reality tv junkie and I’m really not ashamed of this fact. However, now I am pulling innocent people into my obsession, namely my mom. For the longest time, my mom was totally against reality television. She could not see what I found enjoyable about watching people act stupid and make fools of themselves on national tv. She rolled her eyes at The Real World, laughed at America’s Next Top Model and sighed deeply when she saw the women of The Bachelor making desperate actions to win the affection of a man. All completely justified reactions to reality tv and the morally challenged contestants that make up many of the shows. But somewhere in the middle all of her criticism, she found a little show called Big Brother. And now she is hooked! Do I feel guilty about turning a smart, educated, reasonable woman into a reality tv junkie? A little. Am I thrilled to have someone watch this trash with me? ABSOLUTELY!

Heat

2006-08-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

This sweltering heat is really starting to get to me. I think it's effecting my brain cells. Can brain cells boil? If they can...then they are! The air is so thick it feels like I'm surrounded by hot soup.

Thankfully, I have an air-conditioner in my bedroom so I am able to sleep in the cool and comforting, artificially chilled air. Unfortunately, every fifteen minutes my air conditioner does some sort of switching gears that startles me and wakes me momentarily. I'm not sure if it is seriously effecting my sleep (REM?), but it just might be. This couldt explain my recent grouchiness...or maybe it's just the HEAT!

On a sidenote, my brother-in-law may be going to London for 4-6 months for work. His company would be paying for his family (my sister and niece) to go along with him and live in London for the duration of his work. This would be an incredible experience for all of them. London is the most wonderful city in the world, full of history and beauty that is incomparable. I would love for them to have this experience, but at the same time, a small part of me doesn't want them to go. I can't imagine not seeing my sister or my niece for 6 MONTHS! I guess I will just have to go along as the "nanny". :-)

Home

2006-08-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

I remove my socks and rub my feet along the floor. The blue carpet is smooth under my tiny feet. It is soft and thick because it is brand new. The men who installed it left hours ago. The walls are newly painted, so white they are almost blue. The walls and the new lighting create a brightness that is almost too much for my eyes.

There has been a closet built beneath the stairs to house my forgotten toys and games, but at this moment it is my sanctuary. I sit in the closet, my feet tucked beneath my body. There is no fear of spiders or mice as one would normally fear in a basement. This basement is too new. My mother is upstairs cooking spaghetti. I can smell the onions and the garlic. They ignite my senses and make me crave the dinner that is just moments from being ready. I can hear the news blasting from our tiny kitchen television set. It is never good news, but still my dad watches, faithfully.

I have brought a book into my secret hideaway, but with the door closed it is too dark to read. The Secret Garden will have to wait. I have found my own secret world. I can hear my parents begin to argue, about what I don’t know. It could be anything; the dinner, the bills, the house, or maybe work. It’s never the children. We don’t cause the fights, but we endure them all. Their voices grow louder, harsher and more uneven. It is easier to block it out in my tiny hiding place. I don’t have to watch his face grow red with anger. I don’t see him shake his fists or slam his hands down on the table. I can’t see her pleading with him to stop this behavior. I am safe under the stairs, it’s like I’m not even there.

I hear my sister’s voice now. She yells with a passion that can only come from someone who is still new to this, who sees anger as an emotion that hasn’t fully been explored. Her voice is high-pitched and breaking. She fights the way she has watched actresses fight in movies, dramatic and overblown. He ignores her and my mother rushes to calm her down. She knows that this isn’t right, that children shouldn’t be a part of this destruction. He is blind to what he has caused and aware only of how things effect his life.

My spot under the stairs is warm and dry. Light seeps in through the slats on the door and comforts me. It isn’t dark enough to make me afraid, it is just light enough to protect me. I am in a spot where no one can find me. I am alone but can still hear the voices of my family. They are fighting and I can be distant from it all. I can wait until the fighting subsides and I can return to daily life, to dinner and conversations about school. But for now I am happy in the nook I have created for myself. I have to remember to bring blankets and pillows down from my bed later in the night. I will create a tiny hidden room all for myself.

The ticking of the water heater and the rumble of the washing machine startle me. The dryer buzzes and I suddenly can’t hear my parents fighting or my sister’s high-pitched voice. I feel more alone and slightly frightened. I gather up my discarded socks and my book. It is time to leave.

Imperative

2006-08-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

Stop staring. They are lost in a private moment, a moment they have chosen to bring out in the public. Listen quietly. Absorb what they are saying. Learn from it, try to prevent yourself from being in that same state. Don’t let your relationship get to the point where you have to yell your thoughts, feelings. Don’t feel that the only way for him to see your heart is to throw it in his face, it will hurt him and you will be left broken. If it ever gets to that point, just walk away. Smooth out your skirt, put your purse casually over your shoulder and walk away. He can’t follow you if you walk determinedly enough.

They continue to fight. She wants more respect, to be listened to and really heard. He isn’t even listening now, he’s just plotting the harsh words that will fall from his lips the minute she takes a breath. They are all wrong for each other, even you, a stranger, can see that. But no one can tell her what she needs to figure out for herself. Her hair is wild and flying in all directions, gorgeous curls tremble on top of her head as she raises her hands to her forehead. She is trying to cover her eyes, to hide from him, from the world. His hair is neatly combed and still wet from his shower. They don’t fit. She is emotional and proud of what defines her, he is frightened by it. He wants her to be like the Lilly Pulitzer blondes that sit at the next table, ordering pink and green drinks to match their sweaters. This girl, this wild, untameable girl will never be one of them. If he loved her for what makes her different, then they could work through anything, but he doesn’t.

She fingers the maroon napkin, twisting it between two jeweled fingers, obviously a woman who is denied nothing. She is debating whether or not to use the napkin to wipe away her tears. She decides instead to use the palm of her hands. It’s messier, but at least it feels more real, more comforting, to touch herself with her own flesh. He hasn’t touched her in ages, not like he means it. He touches her in passing, when he’s horny or wants a quick feel, but nothing lasting, nothing beautiful and heart-skipping. Just cold and emotionless, like the relationship.

Walk away. Just stand up, storm out, run away. Do anything but don’t stay. Don’t stay in something that isn’t right. This will tear you apart, it will change you. Without realizing what you are doing, you will try and change yourself for him. Don’t do it. You are wonderful alone. You are wild and carefree and happy. Yes, you will be lonely, but isn’t it better to be lonely moving in the right direction, then lonely going nowhere? Yes, he loved you once, but it wasn’t real love. It wasn’t lasting love. It was ordinary and predictable. It could have been anyone he met that night. It was a learning experience, you learned what doesn’t work for you. Now go home. Go back to what makes you happy, what makes you confident, what makes you YOU. He will find someone new, like the Lilly girl on the seat behind him. You will find someone new, too. Someone who wants to know what you are thinking. Someone who will find joy in the little things, just like you do. If you give yourself a chance to find the right person, he will show up, eventually.

Throw the drink in his face, throw the chair out of your way, slam the door. Fill yourself up with life, act irrationally but at least do it with energy, with enthusiasm. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Lose your breath while you’re living it. Take it for what it is, an adventure. Never settle.

Relationships

2006-07-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

Does anyone really know what makes a relationship work? You hear everything from opposites attract to find your soulmate in order to make your life complete. Immediately people think they are lacking something in their own life that they need to find the missing puzzle piece. Doesn't this make people feel that they have spent their life up until the point when they meet their "soulmate" wandering aimlessly as an incomplete person.

The only way that you can find someone with whom to spend the rest of your life with, is to become complete on your own. Discover your passions, your dislikes, what makes you happy on a rainy, muggy day. You need to know yourself completely before you can bring someone else into your sphere and merge your lives.

True love is similiar to the feeling you get when you come home after a long journey. You climb into bed, the sheets are cool, the air is perfect and you feel the comfort and safety of being somewhere you know you belong. Love is finding your home and comfort in another persons arms. No matter where you are, if you are with them, you are home.

Too Many Blogs

2006-07-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

I am definitely going to win an award for Blogger with the shortest attention span. I apparently like to start blogs and then sort of walk away from them, just leaving them hanging there all lonesome and neglected. I have four blogs to my name. Yup, that's right FOUR! There is Product Princess (all about skin care products). Glossy Mag about the wonderful world of magazines. BookFinds about books and what I am currently reading. And finally, Random Thoughts, which will be filled with RANDOM THOUGHTS!

All I have to say about today is that it was H-O-T! Humid, hot and sticky. Or is hazy, hot and humid? Either way, that's what the day was like. Normally I am not productive on days like this, but today was an exception. I was SUPER PRODUCTIVE. I got so much work done and I didn't even stop after "working hours". I continued after dinner and way into the nightly television line up, although who am I kidding, there is NOTHING on tv on Monday nights in the summer. The only shows I really look forward to are on more in the middle of the week. Big Brother All-Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, Kathy Griffin, The Real World and The Hills. Do you think I like reality TV? I'm addicted!...and I don't care who knows it!

xoxo
Jocelyn